A twist on "A Christmas Carol" that will help you shift your dating attitude this holiday season.
Carla Dickens here. Well, not really. It's Ronnie Ann Ryan — The Dating Coach and I'm here with my own version of a holiday classic — A Christmas Carol. It is the story by Charles Dickens about Ebenezer Scrooge. Here's how my version goes.
Ebbie Scrooge, a good looking woman in mid-life, was wasting her dating years grumbling about men. On the night before Christmas, she was commiserating with her single girlfriends, complaining bitterly about the horrible men they meet, how all of the good men are taken and how they'll never find love but refuse to settle. The girlfriends clinked their glasses one last time, toasting how they didn't need men and parted ways. Ebbie stumbled home for a good night's rest. But she didn't get it. Instead, she was visited by three Christmas Ghosts of Dating Advice who illustrated the error of her dating ways. Curious to hear what Ebbie learned that night?
Ghost of Past Dating Advice
First, the Ghost of Past Dating Advice dropped in to help Ebbie review her history. Ebbie is all too familiar with her unhappy past and ugly divorce. Thankfully, the Ghost is very compassionate and worked with Ebbie to remember what was good, what did make her happy, and what lessons she learned that she can bring with her to a new and better love life. The dating advice apparition encouraged Ebbie to not get stuck in the past. In fact, Ebbie's past does not automatically create her dating future. She has more free will than she realized — and might want to think twice about frittering it away, rehashing the past.
Ghost of Present Dating Advice
Back to bed for Ebbie. She thought she'd finally get some rest, but it wasn't her luck. The Ghost of Present Dating Advice scooped her up and off they journeyed to view her current love situation. Much to her chagrin, very little is happening on the love front for Ebbie.
The Ghost of Present Dating Advice lovingly explains to Ebbie that she does have loving energy in her life. She has children who love her, friends and family who adore her, neighbors who enjoy her, and a dog who offers unconditional love. Ebbie never considered these sources of love in her life, and took them for granted. The patient spirit of Present Dating Advice showed Ebbie how loving energy in her present life could blossom into more if she acknowledged it and felt grateful. The error of her ways, bitching and moaning, blaming men, criticizing them endlessly, actually didn't make her feel better — it made things worse.
Ebbie's head was spinning from seeing how much time she spent bashing men. From this wiser vantage point, it seemed like a sad set of self-sabotaging behaviors that was truly getting in her way of the romance she desired. To find love, she'd have to stop the man bashing.
Ghost of Future Dating Advice
When Ebbie was back in bed and yet again, a third apparition, the Ghost of Future Dating Advice whisked her off. She arrived to view her life five years ahead and was amazed to find herself in the arms of a wonderful man (his name was Bob Crachet, I believe), smiling, happy and in love. How could this be? What could she shift to ensure that this future did come to pass?
The Ghost of Future Dating Advice gave Ebbie some crucial tips about being approachable and friendly to men and, most importantly, appreciating men for who they are and what they have to offer. It was as if Ebbie woke up to a whole new consciousness about dating that she had never experienced before. She could see the wisdom of these ghosts of dating advice and her dating coach and how their advice would help create the future love she so strongly desired, but had long ago given up on.
Banish the Bah-Humbug Attitude Toward Dating
Ebbie reconnected with all three Romance Ghosts before her night ended and vowed to change her ways. She agreed to work on being more positive, open and active. She promised to minimize her complaints and banish her bah-humbug attitude that sabotaged any efforts she did make. This will permit her to send good vibes into the Universe and attract the love she wants and deserves.
Good for you Ebbie! With those shifts in perspective and understanding, you will attract the love of a good man. The next day, Ebbie flirted just for the fun of being a woman, received lots of attention and started on the path to the love-filled future she now knows is waiting for her.
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More dating coach advice on YourTango:
- How I Became An Online Dating Coach
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- Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid
This article was originally published at It's Never Too Late for Love . Reprinted with permission from the author.