Turns out, revealing too much too soon can be downright unsexy
As a confident and passionate woman looking for love online, fully expressing who you are in your online dating profile might seem like the right idea. Sharing everything about yourself and your physically passionate nature is sure to win a man's attention, right? Yes, but not neccessarily in the way you'd hope for.
Women I work with constantly complain that they attract the wrong men online. After reviewing their dating profiles, I can see why.
Greater equality between the sexes has led many women to embrace a mindset that it's OK (and even preferable) to be sexually direct with men. The idea of the sexes being equal has translated into the genders often behaving the same way. And from that place, you might think, — I am confident, I feel confident about sex, shouldn't I share that?
Workplace equality is one thing but, when it comes to love and romance, men and women are not the same. We are wired very differently, with gender-specific needs and ways of going about getting them met. That's why talking about sex in your online dating profile is a major mistake that often works against you. If you're a single woman looking for long-term committed love, advertising your sexual prowess before you've even met a man is not a wise approach. Here why:
You Attract The Wrong Men
There are tons of men trolling online for casual sexual partners. They click on the profile of any woman sending out signals that she might be sexually easy. Sharing your sexual preferences with the entire online dating pool opens you up to advances from the wrong sort of men (those not seeking a real relationship).
Men who are trolling see you as easy prey and hit on you with a casual hookup in mind, even if they don't lead with that agenda in their initial conversation. Of course, many women dating online are bombarded with this kind of attention anyway, but if it's not the kind of attention you truly seek, why do anything to increase it? Most of my dating coaching clients prefer a man to be attracted to them as a whole package — mind, body and spirit, not just their sexy parts. So, side-step men with a sex-only objective by keeping things clean in your dating profile.
You Sets False Expectations
Dating sites, like OKCupid.com, ask very specific questions about sex. I urge you to leave these questions blank. Why? Because some things are best left unsaid and discovered through the natural course of dating. People read into everything online and consider those words set in stone. If you talk about a particular sexual behavior you enjoyed with one man, there's no guarantee you'll feel the same way with a new guy. Sexual chemistry is unique to each couple. Why advertise your prowess falsely or limit your ability to change your mind? When you answer these online questions, you are promising or advertising how you plan to put out and that sets expectations you may not want to live up to later.
You Spoil The Fantasy
A lot of men find photos of scantily clad women far sexier than nude photos. Leaving something to the imagination creates space for mystery and fantasy, which is a rich, intoxicating part of the erotic experience. A little anticipation can generate a great deal of excitement and sexual tension. Don't ruin that chemistry by revealing too much too soon. A man wants to feel curious about you.
You Turn Off The Right Men
Surprisingly, talking about sex in your profile can actually turn off some great men who are looking for a life-partner. They seek a self-respecting woman who knows how to act like a lady. If you lead with sex, even today, a great guy may click away to find a woman who comes across more well rounded.
Remember, the purpose of your online dating profile is to pique a man's interest and get him to message you. It's the start of connection. Don't share every intimate detail about you before you've even messaged (let alone gone on a date) with a man. Keep a few secrets and create an air of enticing mystery about you. You are a woman worth discovering and he wants to figure you out. So give men the opportunity to meet the real you and then see what unfolds naturally.
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