It’s a whole different world of dating today.
Internet dating: isn’t it fun? It can be if know how to have fun with it. Don’t just sit back and wait for people to contact you. If you are male or female (especially if you’re female) reach out and contact the people you find attractive. It’s a whole different world of dating today. What I tell my clients is to think of Internet dating like a huge single’s party. Let’s say you were looking around the room and someone caught your eye. You could never be sure who noticed whom first. Maybe the other person had been checking you out seconds earlier. The thing is to hook that other person’s attention and create a spark so they he or she will want to talk to you. It’s the same with the Internet. All you want to do is get the other person’s attention and make them want to know more.
Let’s take a look at a couple of examples of introductory emails that my best friend and I sent to some promising candidates that got immediate responses.
Hello Aussie Guy,
How’d you wind up in good old LA? You are absolutely adorable. I see that you like “all things about being a man.” I love all things about you being a man, too. And I can be quite a woman under the right circumstances. I also like what you said about helping each reach greater potential together. Although I have already reached my greatest potential at the ripe old age of 34, I can always help you get there . No really, life is great at this end and would be even better shared with the right someone.
Would love to hear from you if you think we’re a match!
*(Name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent)
Hi Guy Without Headline,
You are so cute, but not too cute! (That’s a compliment.) I am not a fashionista, so if that’s what you’re looking for, keep going! But I have all the other things on your list. I understand that you love art and architecture. I grew up around the stuff but don’t know who’s who. I would love for you to teach me more. I am always open to learning and love an intelligent man who expand my world. Is that you?
Why were her emails so effective? Because she knows how to “hook” a man’s attention.
Let’s see how:
Hook #1: Create Sparks: Chloe creates a kind of playful tension right from the very start. ”Hey Aussie Guy!” Her first line is bold and provocative. She says things a lot of people would think but not say, like the line about having already reached her potential at the age of 34. There is something intriguing about a person who would do that. People love people who challenge them.
Hook #2: Flatter them: She shows that she read their profiles. She relates to what they said but not in an “Oh Look We Both Like to Hike” kind of way. Again, she makes it funny, confident, and provocative. “I’m not a fashionista, so if that’s what you’re looking for, keep going!”
Hook #3: Give ‘em What They Want: She purposely tells men what they want to hear. ”I love a guy who can teach me more. Is that you?” She really means it, but she also knows that this is a hook.
Hook #4: Sexual Overtone: She says things like “I like all things about you being a man, too. And I can be quite a woman under the right circumstances.” If this guy is a healthy, hot-blooded male, he’s thinking she means sex.
If all your emails say is, “I liked your profile and think we have some things in common,” and you’re not getting responses, try to plant some hooks like the ones above. Remember, you are looking for romance, not friendship. Practice creating that playful, seductive spark. If you are the kind of person who “is only playful after you get to know someone,” get over yourself. The Internet is the best place in the world to practice getting out of your shell. If you really can’t loosen up, have a glass of wine or get a fun friend to sit with you and write emails. Keep throwing mud at the wall to see what sticks.
When I was a kid vacationing in Mexico with my family, my older brother once said, “Lisa, you are so intense. I don’t know how any man is going to deal with you.” Today my husband tells me that I am the most playful person he knows. I didn’t just happen to meet the right guy. I became a playful person and then I attracted the right guy to me. It’s time to take risks, have some fun, and get naked!
She creates a lot of the sparks. She is sparky. She’s not waiting for someone else to light things up.
Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC
Transformational Dating and Relationship Coach
This article was originally published at Lisa Shield Dating and Relationship Coach . Reprinted with permission from the author.