What I've just given you is undergraduate work. If you're ready for graduate work, then the process of repeating her words back will help her feel better even sooner. For example:
- She says, "My boss is a jerk." Instead of saying, "You should just quit", say instead, "I agree your boss is a jerk" (and use the same emphasis she used).
- She says, "I had to stay home all day with the kids and I'm feeling overwhelmed." Instead of saying, "Just get a babysitter," instead say, "I see how overwhelmed you're feeling because you stayed home all day with the kids."
This reassures her that you're listening, and you understand how she's feeling. She'll start to feel better, and she'll also feel better about you. Definitely a win-win. The ultimate goal is for the woman to have the chance to empty her "stress" glass. When the man listens and empathizes, she starts to feel better.
Typically, when a woman has emptied her stress-filled glass she'll say, "Thanks, I feel better", and she's often ready to move on to other topics. Or she'll say, "Thanks I feel better, and what do you think I should do about my horrible boss?" Then, you get to give your great advice! At that point, she's ready and willing to hear it, and she'll be appreciative. As an additional bonus, when a woman feels cared about they often are interested in having sex and connecting on an intimate level.
A tip for my female readers — if you'd like your man to just listen and not offer an immediate solution:
- Take a moment to explain to your partner you just need to talk.
- Tell him you'll appreciate it he can just listen.
- Explain that if he doesn't interrupt you'll feel better.
- When you're done, thank him for listening, and express how much better you feel.
For the men reading this, there's an additional benefit of listening. Along with relieving her pressure and helping her feel better and possibly getting sex, you don't have to keep thinking about a solution to her problem while she's talking. You can relax and just listen (I know, I know — easier said than done). Treat this like any muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets... and the better you get at it (and remember the bonus).
Leave a message in the comments and let me know if this works for you!