When do you introduce your date to the kids?

By

When do you introduce your date to the kids?
There are many factors to consider!

One of the relationship questions I get that comes up often by my clients is about when to meet the kids. There are many factors to consider: the age of the child(ren), the length of time you are dating, the circumstances under which you met your partner and whether this is a serious relationship or leading to a more committed arrangement.

I remember when I was dating I really did not want to meet a child until I knew that our love relationship was exclusive, monogamous and moving in a direction of further commitment. However, one man I dated I met through a social/support group where we were all going though our divorces at the same time. He also had full custody of his son so he didn’t have the time apart like many divorced dads. So I did meet the son very early in our relationship. We told his 10 year old son that I was Dad’s friend and we were careful not show any physical affection when we were around his son. This was early in my dating history when I was separated and in the process of getting divorced in my mid thirties.

One of my clients expressed that he met the child too early in the relationship and that as a couple they did not get enough one on one adult time. Most of their activities involved the child. He felt this was a mistake and would now set a boundary about not meeting the child(ren) so soon. This way he could get to know the woman without the distraction of the child to see if there was really a connection between them.

I also have heard stories about the person who is without children feeling attached to the children and then having to lose that relationship when the couple breaks up. It can be heartbreaking on both sides. So my dating advice to women and men is to err on the side of caution. Wait until you are dating exclusively and know
that you are moving towards a more committed arrangement before meeting the children.

It is important to see how well you get along with the child(ren) before considering engagement. I have seen relationship break up because of difficulties with the child and when children from both
sides don’t get along.

Believe it or not, older children (who get to vote) are more difficult to meet than younger children who are more open and accepting. One of my female clients was dating her boyfriend for two year before he would introduce her to his children who was in their late teens and in college. First, this man was afraid to have both of his worlds meet. He liked the situation with my client being as an oasis when just being the two of them. He did eventually introduce her to his children (they were curious about his girlfriend) and it worked out beautifully.

So each situation is different for each set of circumstances. When did you meet the kids of the person you were in a serious relationship? What were the factors that mattered to you when dating and children were in the picture? What worked and what didn’t?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Coach Amy Schoen

Author

Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

www.MotivatedtoMarry.com

Illuminating Your Path to Finding Lasting Love

I work with marriage minded individuals who are ready to take charge of their dating efforts and learn a system of how to meet people who share their values so that they can find the right one and have the family life they so desire.

Location: Rockville, MD
Credentials: MBA
Other Articles/News by Coach Amy Schoen:

Do You Really Need Chemistry To Score That Second Date?

By

If we're being totally honest with ourselves, we probably all want to believe in love at first sight. There's a part of us that is sure that we'll just know if we've met the one from the minute that our eyes meet. That's what makes it a major let down when after going on a date with a pretty cool guy, the spark just isn't there. ... Read more

"Too Old" To Find Love? Don't Worry, You've Still Got It

By

Ladies, why is it that the older we get, the harder it is for us to jump back into the dating scene? Regardless of whether our game plan is to settle down after we find Mr. Right or have fun with Mr. Right Now, it's almost as if we're expected to turn the lights off after we hit a certain age. if you've ever found yourself hesitating from putting ... Read more

7 Ways That Dating For Marriage Differs From Casual Dating

By

One of my clients, Mindy, has never been married. Mindy, in her late 30‘s, has been dating and been in several relationships off and on for most of her adult life. When she started coaching with me she was in relationship with a professional man in his early 40’s for about two years and was hoping to bring it to the next level of commitment, ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular