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Relationship Question: Do you consider a past relationship a fail

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Relationship Question: Do you consider a past relationship a fail
When the relationship breaks up, they're hard to get over.

As the song goes, “Breaking up is hard to do!” And for many of us we loved some aspect of being in a romantic relationship with someone.

Perhaps it was having someone who seems to care about us, or someone to make plans with for the weekend, to travel with or with whom to have physical closeness.

More from YourTango: How to be Romantic: Your Simple Romance Primer

So when the relationship breaks up, even though we know in our hearts that this is not the right person for the long haul, and we feel the loss in our life.

Instead of looking at your past relationship as a failure, the relationship question to ask yourself is, “what new information about yourself did you gleam? Also, what was not working for you?” Pay attention to this!

For example, a male client in his mid 40’s dated a very nice woman for 2 months. When he came to his coaching call, he did not seem excited about seeing his girlfriend this coming weekend. However, he did say he enjoyed her company and they always had a nice time together.

The relationship question I asked him was, “Do you look forward to seeing your girlfriend?” His answer was, “Not really”. When we got to the heart of the matter there were lifestyle expectations that were not aligned with her. He did not see himself with his girlfriend for the long haul. Although they both wanted to get married and have a family, however, something critical was missing.

After our coaching call, he decided to break up sooner than later so both could move on and seek a better fitting life partner. What my client discovered about himself is a critical piece of information that will help him refine his search and I know that he will make a much better choice next time that will lead him to the right person. Consider dating as a feedback loop of information. Eventually you will find the relationship that is the best fit!

More from YourTango: Surviving The Holidays As A Single Person

When I look at my dating history, with each relationship I learned very important pieces of information about what I needed to be happy in a relationship until I recognized with my husband that he was the one!

So how would you answer this relationship question: What critical information did you learn from your past relationships? Also, how did this new insights about yourself impact how you evaluate a potential life partner? This curious coach wants to know!

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Coach Amy Schoen

Author

Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

www.MotivatedtoMarry.com

Illuminating Your Path to Finding Lasting Love

I work with marriage minded individuals who are ready to take charge of their dating efforts and learn a system of how to meet people who share their values so that they can find the right one and have the family life they so desire.

Location: Rockville, MD
Credentials: MBA
Other Articles/News by Coach Amy Schoen:

How to be Romantic: Your Simple Romance Primer

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February 14th is Valentine’s Day in the US. If you are fortunate to have a special mate or partner in your life then, this is the time of year, men and women are called to open up their romance valve. For many, this has not been truly activated due to a full and active life where they have the feeling that there is little time to be romantic. For a select ... Read more

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In my recent Meetup group get together we discussed how to have a happy and fulfilling holiday season despite the challenges that face singles. I appreciated their candid responses and insights. I also shared my feelings and gave my relationship advice about when I was single at this time of year.  To get the conversation going I asked them these ... Read more

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Are you serious about finding true love? Do you say you can't find anyone you want to date? Perhaps you need some creative help that will get you to look outside the box of your "normal". Sound good? Great! And how do you do that? Here are some great suggestions:  1. Find new resources that can lead you to that right person such as a new ... Read more

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