When you think about going out to meet people for the purpose of dating, are you doing so in a haphazard way or are being strategic about the process?
This past month I have had many coaching conversations about how people are putting themselves out into their communities to meet people for dating.
What I notice is many people utilizing a haphazard approach to meeting people. Let me explain what that means.
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When hear that people go to events that are random, where you show up one time and:
- You don’t know if the people are single and looking for a long term relationship
- It is a one time event where you may never have the chance to see the same people again
- Or the group is so big that you see different people all the time
- You know nothing about the people and if they share your key relationship values, in particular.
Examples of haphazard dating are expecting to meet your true love in the grocery store, at a bar, at the bus or train stop. Also, if you go to an event or a particular Meetup once where it attracts a large group and expect to meet someone the first time or will most likely never see the same people again, this is considered a haphazard approach to dating. Yes, it can happen, however, the odds are not in your favor!
My recommended dating tips are to follow a more strategic approach where:
- You can access quickly that someone is truly single and is looking for a committed relationship
- The group or activities meet regularly and you see the same core group of people every week or month for a set period of time or ongoing. This increases your odds for a love connection.
- The group is big enough to have a variety of people and small enough to get to know people over time (50 to 200)
- The group has a core group that comes regularly to its events so you see familiar faces time and time again. Then, it becomes easier to strike up conversations with someone who is attractive to you.
- You utilize resources like online dating sites and dating services to help you find seriously minded people who are also looking for a committed relationship.
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Many of my clients have had the best results dating online with a strategic values-based process to find and access relationship ready people who are looking for a marriage partner. My other clients met their partners through singles activities at their place of worship, through friends and family who know them well, and activities that they see the same people time and time again to develop relationships.
When I was single and actively looking for my life partner, as an outgoing, active person who has a value around a healthy, active lifestyle, I met most of the men I dated through groups that met weekly such as a bicycling group, a co-ed softball team that I participated in, and a bowling league (where I hadn’t bowled since I was in grade school!). Because of my love of travel and exploring new places, weekend and week long singles trips were great because you can get to know someone over a period of time and see how they really tick! And because of my interest in learning and personal growth, I took classes and attended workshops that led me to meet people who shared this value with me.