Love At First Sight: Why It Won't Find Your Match


love at first sight
How do you find love beyond looks? Get to know your date over time.

When you first meet potential dates face-to-face at social gatherings, an intense attraction can cloud your judgment about finding out if this person is really a match for you. And, if you become sexually involved too soon, that can become the focus of the relationship. (I know, I've been there!) The attachment hormone — oxytoxin — takes over and then we don't always make the best decisions for ourselves. 

One of you then wakes up one morning, saying, "Uh oh, what did I get myself into?" He starts to see the real you, you start to see the real him and you both realize that this isn't what you want for the long run. That is how people get hurt.  


My advice is to hold off on becoming intimate until you decide this is the relationship you want and you want an exclusive relationship. That is what courting is all about and I think we have lost that art these days. 

I have a client where first she was jumping into bed too quickly and always regretting it. After working with me on pacing, she is now dating a guy who taking his sweet time. I respect that. I believe he was been burned before and is now dating my client appropriately. They have not been intimate yet and it has been over a month of dating. He did ask her to accompany him on his trip to Florida, which is two months away. 

She says she really likes being with him because it's comfortable. However, she is not blown away by him. I told her that's a good sign. This is a much more thoughtful relationship and it will happen all in good time. Now, at almost 40, there is so much more at stake. She wants a life partner — someone who will be there for her as a companion, best friend and lover. Since she is pacing this relationship and really taking the time to see if it is what she truly wants, finally, she is having better success with dating. 

So my advice to you is to give a guy who didn't immediately catch your eye a second chance. Don't be too quick to judge him and allow yourself to get to know him on a deeper level. If you find you get along well, the conversation flows and you're somewhat attracted to a man, then agree to go out with him. When you find your values and life goals are aligned, then your relationship will organically move forward towards a more committed arrangement.

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Coach Amy Schoen


Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

Illuminating Your Path to Finding Lasting Love

I work with marriage minded individuals who are ready to take charge of their dating efforts and learn a system of how to meet people who share their values so that they can find the right one and have the family life they so desire.

Location: Rockville, MD
Credentials: MBA
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