How Resilient Are You In Your Quest to Find Your Mate?


How Resilient Are You In Your Quest to Find Your Mate?
The only way to move on from a past relationship is to jump back on the dating wagon.
Your ability to quickly move forward and get yourself dating again signifies how resilient you are.

Many of my clients who I would categorize as resilient see no choice other than to continue on their quest to find their mate.  They do face disappointment and get frustrated like everyone. However, they do learn how to adjust their search in order to better their chances to connect with the right one.  They change some aspect of their dating process or their life until they can find that special person with whom to have a loving, fulfilling relationship.

I have clients who have worked with me for over a year. They are improving their lives, continue to be interested in learning and are creating opportunities to attract the right people into their lives.  They have had relationships that were close and not quite the right ones.  And yet, they continue to persist in their quest to find a mate.

More from YourTango: Finding Love Giveaway: Great Advice For Soulmate Searching

How can you know if you are resilient?   Think about your past relationship history. When you break up with someone, how long does it take you to get back out there to start meeting someone new?  Are you still pining away for some past boyfriend or girlfriend that clearly is not there for you?

I suggest you look at the past relationship and write down all the qualities of this past partner that really worked for you. Then you write down another list of what didn't work for you in the relationship or what makes that relationship an impossible fit.  Are there differences that cannot be resolved?  Are there internal or external roadblocks that get in the way? Were their personal boundaries that were crossed that you can’t tolerate (i.e. lying or cheating)?  Was it a bad timing issue?  Then, at the bottom of the page I suggest you write in bold letters, “Time to move on!”

Keep that sheet handy for when you start looking backwards and not forwards to remind yourself why that relationship just can’t be.  And then, resolve to take some positive actions to get out there and meet some new people to date who are a better fit for you in the long run.   And last, as a resilient person, you have the belief that the right person is out there for you to meet that will be just who you were looking for.

More from YourTango: 6 Dating Gremlins & Goblins To Conquer This Halloween

What is your experience with bouncing back after a break up?

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Coach Amy Schoen


Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

Illuminating Your Path to Finding Lasting Love

I work with marriage minded individuals who are ready to take charge of their dating efforts and learn a system of how to meet people who share their values so that they can find the right one and have the family life they so desire.

Location: Rockville, MD
Credentials: MBA
Other Articles/News by Coach Amy Schoen:

How to be Romantic: Your Simple Romance Primer


February 14th is Valentine’s Day in the US. If you are fortunate to have a special mate or partner in your life then, this is the time of year, men and women are called to open up their romance valve. For many, this has not been truly activated due to a full and active life where they have the feeling that there is little time to be romantic. For a select ... Read more

Surviving The Holidays As A Single Person


In my recent Meetup group get together we discussed how to have a happy and fulfilling holiday season despite the challenges that face singles. I appreciated their candid responses and insights. I also shared my feelings and gave my relationship advice about when I was single at this time of year.  To get the conversation going I asked them these ... Read more

Finding Love Giveaway: Great Advice For Soulmate Searching


Are you serious about finding true love? Do you say you can't find anyone you want to date? Perhaps you need some creative help that will get you to look outside the box of your "normal". Sound good? Great! And how do you do that? Here are some great suggestions:  1. Find new resources that can lead you to that right person such as a new ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

The Least & Most Open-Minded Cities In Online Dating

Wondering if your city is open-minded when it comes to online dating? Check out this data from Zoosk


3 Ways to Define Who You Want To Be

Sometimes the best way to know who you want to be is to notice how you react in the here and now.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>