Many of my clients who I would categorize as resilient see no choice other than to continue on their quest to find their mate. They do face disappointment and get frustrated like everyone. However, they do learn how to adjust their search in order to better their chances to connect with the right one. They change some aspect of their dating process or their life until they can find that special person with whom to have a loving, fulfilling relationship.
I have clients who have worked with me for over a year. They are improving their lives, continue to be interested in learning and are creating opportunities to attract the right people into their lives. They have had relationships that were close and not quite the right ones. And yet, they continue to persist in their quest to find a mate.
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How can you know if you are resilient? Think about your past relationship history. When you break up with someone, how long does it take you to get back out there to start meeting someone new? Are you still pining away for some past boyfriend or girlfriend that clearly is not there for you?
I suggest you look at the past relationship and write down all the qualities of this past partner that really worked for you. Then you write down another list of what didn't work for you in the relationship or what makes that relationship an impossible fit. Are there differences that cannot be resolved? Are there internal or external roadblocks that get in the way? Were their personal boundaries that were crossed that you can’t tolerate (i.e. lying or cheating)? Was it a bad timing issue? Then, at the bottom of the page I suggest you write in bold letters, “Time to move on!”
Keep that sheet handy for when you start looking backwards and not forwards to remind yourself why that relationship just can’t be. And then, resolve to take some positive actions to get out there and meet some new people to date who are a better fit for you in the long run. And last, as a resilient person, you have the belief that the right person is out there for you to meet that will be just who you were looking for.
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What is your experience with bouncing back after a break up?