First Date Tips: Are Your Initial Connections Superficial or Deep


First Date Tips: Are Your Initial Connections Superficial or Deep
Have you ever spent minutes talking to a person only to find you have no connection and leave?

Does this happen to you? You are at a party, or a single’s event, and you meet someone where you are attracted physically to them. You talk about fifteen minutes on very superficial subjects such as the latest new restaurant or the upset of the local football team. No real connection was established and one of you finds a way to move on. No phone number was exchanged and the possibility of making a first date is not mentioned. And you leave the party or event with no new dating prospects. Does this happen to you more often than not?

If so, ask yourself, “Why am I not connecting?” Let’s examine where connection comes from when you are dating for a serious relationship:
- Similar life experiences
- Shared values
- Similar life goals
- Similar ways of looking at situations (i.e., Political, Cultural, ect.)


Similar life experiences may be that you are both divorced with kids. You may connect on common issues around that circumstance. You may have gone to the same college. I witnessed a couple bond since both were divorce and lawyers. They knew some of the same people who worked in the law field.

Shared values are critical for creating connection. Let’s say you have a value around being healthy and having an active lifestyle. You would want a partner who shares that value with you. Perhaps you both enjoy bicycling, or working out at the gym regularly and you are both into buying organic food. Your first date could be a bike ride or checking out a new health food restaurant.

When you have the same life goals, then that gives the green light for exploring a relationship further. If you are looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage (or as I say,” Motivated to Marry”!) and you both recognize that, if you are attracted to one another physically, then it gives you a stronger pull towards seeing each other again for a first date. When I was single, I met some men that I realized were NOT Motivated, and I didn’t see a reason to go out with them or spend any more time with them, let alone plan a first date.

Life is harder when you come from a diverse way of looking at life. If you do enjoy conflict and debate, then you may want to find a partner who is also relishes that. Other people prefer to have someone who shares your political views and/or has similar expectations around faith. They find comfort in having someone to share their personal views with and “gets” them.

Keeping reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:
7 Things To Do Before A First Date
3 Things You Should Avoid On A First Date
10 Dating Tips I Wish I Knew While I Was Single

This article was originally published at Motivated to Marry. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Coach Amy Schoen


Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

Illuminating Your Path to Finding Lasting Love

I work with marriage minded individuals who are ready to take charge of their dating efforts and learn a system of how to meet people who share their values so that they can find the right one and have the family life they so desire.

Location: Rockville, MD
Credentials: MBA
Other Articles/News by Coach Amy Schoen:

Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love So Easily


There's no question that at the end of the day, we all want to feel loved. We want that person who won't hesitate to be there for us and just listen when we're going through rough times. But sometimes, we want this feeling so bad that we chase after it even when we know we shouldn't. It may seem sweet at first but that desperation to fall in ... Read more

How To Tell Your Date What You're Really Looking For


Nowadays, when it comes to the dating game, the struggle is so real. Honestly, trying to find someone who shares the same interests as you sometimes feels like finding a needle in a haystack. Don't even get us started on how hard it is to meet people who are upfront about their intentions. Ladies, take it from us. If you're dating around with the ... Read more

Do You Really Need Chemistry To Score That Second Date?


If we're being totally honest with ourselves, we probably all want to believe in love at first sight. There's a part of us that is sure that we'll just know if we've met the one from the minute that our eyes meet. That's what makes it a major let down when after going on a date with a pretty cool guy, the spark just isn't there. ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Most Popular