One of my clients, Mindy, has never been married. Mindy, in her late 30‘s, has been dating and been in several relationships off and on for most of her adult life. When she started coaching with me she was in relationship with a professional man in his early 40’s for about two years and was hoping to bring it to the next level of commitment, namely marriage!
Although her boyfriend has been there for her on one level, through the coaching she realized that he was unable to emotionally commit to the relationship and that he would never really step up to the plate. Marriage was not in his mindset. He was happy with the status quo. He got what he wanted from the relationship, a date for the weekends and intimacy — no strings attached. And this could have gone on for years!
So what’s the difference with dating for marriage and just dating? Here are some ways that dating differs for those who are Motivated to Marry (R)!
1. Motivated to Marry dating has a sense of purpose and a dating plan.
2. Motivated to Marry daters are aware of their core relationship values and desires to find out how their date’s values matches up with their values.
3. Motivated to Marry daters are mindful of their dating roadblocks and how to maneuver around them.
4. Motivated to Marry Daters maintain a long term perspective when dating and focus on dating for keeps .
5. Motivated to Marry Daters eliminate inappropriate partners more quickly and do not tolerate wishy washy people who don’t know what they really want in life.
6. Motivated to Marry daters communicate their relationship expectations to their partner sooner than later to make sure they are on the same page.
7. Motivated to Marry daters are aware of their dating timeframes and how long they will remain in a relationship before they expect to be engaged and subsequently married.
Through our coaching Mindy was encouraged to express her desire to be married and have a family with her boyfriend. What she found out was that he had no intention to take the relationship to the next level and did not have the capacity to go deeper with the relationship as she desired. Unfortunately she had given him two years of her life hoping that he would be the one.
Finally she broke up with that boyfriend and within a month, since she was open to a new relationship, she was now available to consider dating a man who showed interest in her at work. Given all the internal work she put in with the Motivated to Marry Coaching program, Mindy had the tools to ask for what she wanted in a relationship and found her new prospect to be in line with her needs and expectations. They have been dating for several months, are now exclusive with the goal of getting engaged within the next six months!
Dating for marriage takes focus and courage to go after what you truly want. Are you ready to make the commitment to yourself to find true love leading to marriage? What has been stopping you from moving forward to marriage in your romantic relationships?
More on Dating Rules from YourTango:
- Break Those Dating Rules ASAP
- The Essential Dating Rules For Women
- Male? Single? Online Dating Tips Just For You