13 Tiny Signs Your Relationship Is Doomed To Fail
It might be too late to save it.
FG Trade | Canva For many couples, the road of a relationship eventually comes to a giant fork — one direction headed to happily ever after, and the other ending in heartbreak.
When this fork comes, it’s perfectly natural to wonder how to know when to break up. After all, calling it quits too early can leave you wallowing in regret and wondering what could have been.
No one — not your therapist, your mother, your best friend, or even an online article — can truly tell you how to know when your relationship is over. It’s something only you and your partner can decide, and it's up to you to notice warning signs.
But, there are plenty of signs and red flags that can warn you of impending doom, signaling your relationship is over and it's time to break up.
Almost always you can spot the same sort of signs of a failing relationship including resentment, disrespect, dishonesty, mistrust, distance, defensiveness, and contempt.
Just because the signs are present doesn't mean that the relationship can't be fixed. However, if you see the signs of an unhealthy relationship, you might want to rethink staying together. The top five signs of an unhealthy relationship include making excuses for your partner, hiding things from your partner, a lack of respect for your partner, not being fully yourself with your partner, and doing whatever it takes to avoid fights with your partner.
Here are 13 tiny signs your relationship is doomed to fail:
1. Your relationship lacks communication or affection
Saying that no communication in a relationship is a bad sign may be met with a huge, "Duh!" and deservedly so. But, communication and affection are the most integral parts of a relationship.
If your "I love you" and "how are you" have turned into little more than, "Don't forget to pick up milk," consider your relationship in trouble.
2. You have no love life
The absence of a romantic life may seem inevitable when two people have been together for so long, as intimacy and relationships go hand in hand for some, but sporadic intimacy is different than no intimacy.
If being intimate has become a chore rather than a jolly good time, your relationship needs some work.
3. You have low self-esteem
In a good partnership, people should lift one another, not bring them down.
If you're second-guessing yourself and only staying above water because of hope, your relationship has already begun to drown.
4. You have no time for each other
You don't need to spend every second with your significant other, but you should spend a lot of them. Spending time together is the most important part of a relationship because it helps you get to know your partner and helps the two of you connect more.
No time for one another is a classic sign that your relationship doesn't stand a chance.
5. You’re losing friendships
One of the difficult things about relationships is that they don't just merge two people, they also merge two social circles. Sometimes those circles mold together to form a larger radius, and other times they just leave everyone bent out of shape.
If you've been forced to stop seeing friends or family because your partner doesn't like them, you might be better off wondering less about how to know when to break up and instead actually doing it.
6. You don't have fun together
People do all kinds of things to have fun — go out to the bars, play sports, go hiking, etc. If your list of fun things to do no longer involves your partner, there's a reason.
A couple that can’t play together is very unlikely to stay together.
7. You keep score
A relationship is not a golf game; you don't need to keep score with miniature pencils.
Routinely reminding your partner that you cooked last night so they must this night or that you saw their family last weekend so they must see yours this weekend can quickly lead to the game being over.
8. You're spending all your energy treading water
Maintaining a relationship is like running in place ... it gets you nowhere. Instead, your relationship should be evolving — you should be building on your foundation, not smoothing over some gaping hole.
If things aren't going forward, they're spiraling out of control, and learning how to know when to break up might be an easy answer: right now.
9. You always fight about the same problems that never get solved
Fighting about the same things over and over until you wash, rinse, and repeat is not a healthy union.
Fighting will always be a sign that a relationship is doomed. If you can't break the cycle, it might be time to yank out the plug.
10. You're being stonewalled (given the silent treatment)
Anyone who goes to their partner with concerns about a relationship should be met with receptive ears. Stonewalling and invalidating another person by giving them silent treatment means two things: Nothing will get fixed and happiness will not return.
11. The support has dwindled
Supporting your partner (and getting support from them) isn’t a relationship option; rather, it’s a necessity. If the support for hobbies, passions, and interests is a distant memory, your relationship may soon be one as well.
12. Someone has a wandering heart
People talk a lot about a wandering eye, but that's not always a bad thing; people appreciate beauty. Instead, it's a wandering heart that leads to heartbreak.
If you or your partner are having emotional needs met elsewhere, your relationship is drastically broken.
13. Someone won't get help
The good news about all the above is everything can be fixed — everything. But, very few people can do it alone; outside help is almost always necessary.
If someone is unwilling to get this help, the last straw has pretty much already been drawn.
Learning how to know when to end a relationship is not an exact science. But, a union plagued with these signs needs a whole lot of changes or a willingness to get up and walk away.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.