Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

3 Myths About Love That Keep You From The Relationship You're MEANT To Have

Photo: WeHeartIt
lies women believe
Love

You deserve a GREAT man.

We all lie to ourselves about a variety of things; we pretend that certain issues don’t bother us, or we claim that the diet starts on Monday. It’s a human thing to do.

But when it comes to relationships, there are three little lies that crush women's self-esteem and sabotage their chances at love with men.

These are things women tell themselves that start out as little lies, but can turn into big problems — at least as long as you think missing out on true love is a big problem!

Lie #1: I must love myself first before loving another.

The first lie women believe is that they must love themselves before they can love another.

As a result, they refuse to get into a relationship before they’re filled to the brim with self-confidence. This hurts women on two fronts: to begin, projecting anything too far into the future is problematic — any time you delay X until Y happens, you set yourself up for remorse.

The other problem is that this way of thinking prevents women from viewing the relationship as a vehicle upon which to love themselves on a higher level. A good relationship can be that vehicle — it provides the drive to let women thrive. 

In fact, your partner can actually teach you how to love yourself more fully. In a healthy functioning relationship, this happens naturally.

 

Lie #2: It's weak to depend on a man.

The second lie women believe is that they shouldn’t have to depend on men.

Most women tell themselves this for a good reason — they’ve been let down in the past. And I'm not talking about depending on a man to write your paycheck or feed you. 

We're talking about a deeper level of being able to let your guard down and allow love in. When you’re in a loving, committed relationship, dependency isn’t bad as long as it’s a two-way street (i.e., the man depends on you as well!).

Dependence is genuine and authentic and allows you to be open to the possibility of someone having your back, and that's a road to a happily ever after. Depending on your partner inspires them to be strong. It also communicates you trust them. 

Believe it or not, but it takes more strength to open yourself up to depending on someone than it does to stay guarded on your own island.

 

Lie #3: If I'm good enough, he'll change for me.

The third lie women believe is that they can change the man they love.

This lie is the hardest to break free from, and the most common. Many women believe that if they change themselves, the man will follow suit. What they’re actually doing is taking too much responsibility for their partner’s character (or pursuing men who are emotionally unavailable).

This forces women to settle into a relationship that’s barely breathing. Remember, the best relationships aren’t about changing people; they’re about loving them for who they are already.

 

If you want to know more, check out Clayton Olson and Jack Butler's webinar, The 3 Keys To Finding and Keeping A High-Quality Man. This webinar is designed for single, professional women who have everything handled except relationships. Save your seat now for this hour-long webinar. 

 

Author
Expert