Make sure your new guy friend gets the hint.
Are you an "accidental dater?"
You know, you meet someone out and about. He seems friendly and asks you to meet up for coffee or to hang out.
There is no attraction between the two of you, from your perspective, so you think it's platonic. The two of you hit things off and you think you've found yourself a great new friend.
Then, maybe toward the end of hanging out, or the first time you meet up or after a few times, he comes out of nowhere and tries to kiss you.
Whoa! What happened?
Here you thought you made a new friend, but he thought the two of you were dating. Congratulations, you are an "accidental dater."
These sorts of situations are awkward and embarrassing for both people involved, but why does this sort of thing happen?
Well, first of all, some of the responsibility falls on the man for not overtly expressing his interest or attraction to you until he went in for a kiss, confessed his romantic feelings, or otherwise pulled some kind of stunt that caught you completely off guard.
Some men just aren't comfortable expressing their attraction toward you. Then, when they start to sense that you just see them as a platonic friend, they panic and try to get out of the "friend zone" by making a big romantic move.
Of course, they need to do some work on themselves to feel more at ease feeling attracted to women like you, but no matter how much you'd like to, you cannot control men. You can only control yourself.
With that being said, there are a few things you can do to avoid becoming an accidental dater and giving men the wrong impression.
1. Use the Word "We."
Using the word "we" is a great codeword that will subtly get the point across that you are already in a relationship with someone else.
Dropping simple statements, like:
- "We went and saw a great movie this weekend. What did you do?"
- "We're thinking of going on vacation to San Francisco this year. Have you ever been?"
- "We're thinking of getting a condo. Do you know anything about that?"
You get the idea.
The point being that using the word "we" causes him to imagine you with another person (usually another man), and this is a subtle way of letting him know that you are in a relationship already and not looking for a new boyfriend.
2. Do Not Flirt With Him.
I know this seems obvious, but some women just don't realize that by flirting with a guy, even if it's just a joke to you, still sends a very strong message to him that you have feelings for him.
Unless you are ready for him to do the natural thing a guy does in these sorts of situations and take things to the next level, do not even start flirting.
It will send the wrong message and lead to a lot of frustration and disappointment on his part, and a lot of awkwardness on your part.
3. Be Direct About It.
Finally, if you need to, be direct about the fact that you don't want to have a romantic relationship with him.
Of course, be gentle about it. Take the time to think about how your words would impact him and be sure to listen to him and his response as well.
When he calls to ask you out or when you start to get a sense that he has romantic feelings for you, cut things off before they get out of hand.
Simply checking in and saying something like “Hey I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page here, but we’re just friends, right?” can save you a lot of awkwardness down the road.
When it comes to accidental dates, don't try to manage the guy's emotions for him. That's all his responsibility.
And definitely don't think that you did anything wrong to lead him on. Men are naturally attracted to women, and they will ask you out if they like you.
Just take it as a compliment and treat each other with dignity.