I have taught dating and relationship courses to 100’s of men and women and one of the main things the men I work with complain about is that their girlfriends and partners tend to “nag”. Not only do they complain about it but a lot of them have said that it was the reason why they left a relationship or cheated.
I know, I know…It is very frustrating when your man keeps leaving his wet towel on the floor or if he isn’t giving you the attention that you want. Sometimes, it feels like they don’t hear you or don’t even care and that is when the “nagging” comes in.
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However, getting upset, and angry about it rarely makes a difference, in fact it most likely will make the situation worse.
Men are very suspicious of anything that might look like they are losing their freedom and the way most women ask for what they want and need comes off like a demand. This way of speaking will quickly shut men down and will put them into a state of high alert. They might even start to view you as someone who is trying to control them. A man’s number one fear in relationships is that he will lose his freedom to have control over his own life.
This does not at all mean that you are not allowed to ask for your needs to be met or have objections to wet towels on the floor. But knowing how men interpret what we do and say gives you an advantage of HOW to speak so that you can actually be heard.
Here is a simple template you can use when “making a request to your man”. Now, remember, even the word “request” changes the energy of the conversation. A “request” implies that the other party has the option to say “no”. That in itself offers more freedom of choice to your man.
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So try this template out next time something is bothering you and see how it goes:
“When (Objective observation of what is happening i.e “When I see wet towels on the floor”) I ( feeling..i.e “I feel frustrated and worried”) because (reason, i.e. “ I value a clean house and I get worried about mold”.) Would you being willing ( clear request; i.e to “hang up your towels right after your shower?) It would really help me out.
Notice that stating it this way doesn’t put blame on your partner so he wont go into a defensive mode. Also you are telling him why you feel the way you do and you are giving him an option. Believe it or not men want you to be happy, and really appreciate clear communication about what will work for you.
I hope this helps to bring more harmony into your relationships!
My main mission in life is to help men and women have healthy happy relationships.