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• When I first read your question my first thought was "You cannot make anyone do anything." That being said, you need to know what you want and need out of the relationship. The relationship should add value to who you are as a person. If he feels like you are trying to force him into changing this in of itself will make him pull away. When someone feels as if they are being "made" to do something it puts them on the defense. He may feel that he is not respected for who he is as a man. You state that you tried not to make that much effort. If you are no longer doing things that you used to do, this may make him feel that you do not have the same feelings that you used to. I would suggest that you do things for you that makes you happy. Do things for him that makes you happy and feel good. And MOST of all start thinking of all of the things he does that makes you feel loved and appreciated. If he says you look nice, let him know that his comment is appreciated. I would challenge you to write down 5 things you are grateful for about him each day. See how long you can go without repeating something. Second thing, if you catch yourself complaining about him, STOP and then say something you love about him. When you change the way you look at him, he will not feel pressure and will give you more of what it is that you want and need. SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Give Advice: How Can I ...

• You need to find yourself first. Believe in yourself and love yourself. After years of being in a relationship like the one you described, I'm sure it has diminished your self-worth. The question is have you done anything to encourage this behavior? Own your part in it. Become true to yourself. Often times when a woman begins to love herself and stop "trying to be the perfect wife," the man stands up and takes notice. Other times the woman finds freedom and independence away from him. If and when you are ready to leave, you will know it in your heart. Learn to trust your gut. I'm hosting a telesummit for divorced women - even though you are not divorced, you may benefit by listening to some of the speakers. It's about healing and loving yourself. Visit http://NewBeginningsSummit.com for more details. Best of wishes to you!!! SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: married 13 years

• Ask yourself a few questions: 1) How much do I love myself? 2) Do I REALLY want to stop drinking and loose weight? 3)Am I changing who I truly am in order to receive love? - and if so is it really love? In order to make and sustain any major change in your life, you need to do it for you and you only. Write down a list of reasons why you want to change. If you cannot find any very personal reasons that will motivate you, the change will not last. If you change for someone else you are saying that you are not worthy of being loved for who you are and you will wind up resenting him for "making" you change. It sounds to me that there are a lot of issues here - both with you and with him. Examine the relationship very closely. Your friends engagement put a spark in you. You say you want to marry him - but do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life who wants you to act and look a certain way? (I've been there done that and it's not fun.) Do you love him for who he is or do you have a fairy tale playing in your mind of what could be? You are concerned that he will lose interest in you if loosing weight takes too long - how much of your relationship is based on physical attraction vs mental attraction as well as love and respect? If you are having a problem with drinking maybe you should contact AA for support. Why are you drinking? What are you getting out of drinking? Keep the serenity prayer in mind: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." There is ONLY one thing you can change - and that's YOU! - You can change your actions, your beliefs, your attitude etc. Find yourself - be happy with yourself and believe that the right man (if it is your boyfriend or someone else) will come to you at the perfect time. SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Boyfriend Losing ...

• As sad as it may sound it really is not your responsibility to make your son's father a part of his life. It is his father's responsibility. From what you stated, you are not preventing them from seeing each other. When your son asks for your father, you could allow him to call him. Don't mix up your son's feelings with your own. If you were unhappy before, you would be unhappy again if you went back to him. You cannot change him, he is the only one that can decide to change, and it doesn't sound like he is at that point. It is natural to miss him because you are going through a life change. You must grieve a divorce in the same manner that you grieve a death. You go through all of the same emotions. Stay strong and you will come out of this happier than you were before. I'd like to invite you to join my facebook page - "Support for Divorced Women" https://www.facebook.com/SupportForDivorcedWomen SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Moving On.

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