What Price Are You Paying For Holding Onto The Past?


What Price Are You Paying For Holding Onto The Past?
Holding onto the past keeps you from moving forward. Let it go and embrace peace and happiness.

Letting go after a divorce is hard. You feel as if you are on an emotional rollercoaster and do not know how to get off. You feel confused and are constantly thinking of "If only," "What if," "I could've,” and "I should've." You are spending most of your waking day with these thoughts. You just do not understand the unfairness of it all. You thought marriage was for life. You cannot believe that this is really happening to you. You keep wishing that you would wake up from this nightmare.

Many women hold onto many emotions after divorce including anger, sadness, loneliness and guilt. You want revenge and you are looking for fairness. You have a notion that he is out having the time of his life. You cannot stand the thought of him being with another woman and may begin to wonder what is wrong with you. You may also want him to hurt as much as he hurt you.


On the opposite side of the spectrum, you may still love him. You are waiting for him to realize his wicked ways and repent. Then he will once again become your prince charming and you will live happily ever after.

    "We need not destroy the past.  It is gone."  ~John Cage

You are paying a price for holding onto the past.  When you are holding onto the past, you are unable to embrace the moment.  It is up to you to determine exactly what price you are paying; however, here are a few of the most common costs.

  •     You are unable to see the happiness and joy that awaits you
  •     You hold onto stress by resisting the reality
  •     Your health may be deteriorating
  •     You may have a difficult time sleeping
  •     You are eating either too much or too little
  •     You lack motivation to go out and meet new friends
  •     You are allowing depression to settle in

You are like the foundation of a house. It can withstand fire as well as the most severe of storms.  You built your marriage on top of this foundation. The marriage crumbled and the walls came falling down. Nevertheless the foundation remains. Holding onto the past is like trying to figure out how to rebuild using the same damaged material.  When you begin to sweep away the debree, you are left with a beautiful strong foundation to build your new life on.

    “Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~ Unknown

Holding onto the past keeps you a prisoner. The irony is that YOU are the only person who has the key to unlock the doors and set yourself free. You are choosing to remain a prisoner by staying chained to blame, resentment, anger, denial, guilt and resistance.
How do you set yourself free?

This article was originally published at Coaching For Divorced Women. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Cindy Holbrook

Divorce Coach

Find out where you are in the recovery process, visit DivorceRecoveryCompass.com now to Discover how you can quickly grieve the death of your marriage and the loss of your hopes and dreams, so that you can move forward with Confidence, Clarity and Courage!!!

Wishing you a life full of Peace and Happiness!

Cindy Holbrook

Certified Divorce Coach


Location: Ridgecrest, CA
Credentials: CDC, CPC
Specialties: Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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