Letting go after a divorce is hard. You feel as if you are on an emotional rollercoaster and do not know how to get off. You feel confused and are constantly thinking of "If only," "What if," "I could've,” and "I should've." You are spending most of your waking day with these thoughts. You just do not understand the unfairness of it all. You thought marriage was for life. You cannot believe that this is really happening to you. You keep wishing that you would wake up from this nightmare.
Many women hold onto many emotions after divorce including anger, sadness, loneliness and guilt. You want revenge and you are looking for fairness. You have a notion that he is out having the time of his life. You cannot stand the thought of him being with another woman and may begin to wonder what is wrong with you. You may also want him to hurt as much as he hurt you.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, you may still love him. You are waiting for him to realize his wicked ways and repent. Then he will once again become your prince charming and you will live happily ever after.
"We need not destroy the past. It is gone." ~John Cage
You are paying a price for holding onto the past. When you are holding onto the past, you are unable to embrace the moment. It is up to you to determine exactly what price you are paying; however, here are a few of the most common costs.
- You are unable to see the happiness and joy that awaits you
- You hold onto stress by resisting the reality
- Your health may be deteriorating
- You may have a difficult time sleeping
- You are eating either too much or too little
- You lack motivation to go out and meet new friends
- You are allowing depression to settle in
You are like the foundation of a house. It can withstand fire as well as the most severe of storms. You built your marriage on top of this foundation. The marriage crumbled and the walls came falling down. Nevertheless the foundation remains. Holding onto the past is like trying to figure out how to rebuild using the same damaged material. When you begin to sweep away the debree, you are left with a beautiful strong foundation to build your new life on.
“Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~ Unknown
Holding onto the past keeps you a prisoner. The irony is that YOU are the only person who has the key to unlock the doors and set yourself free. You are choosing to remain a prisoner by staying chained to blame, resentment, anger, denial, guilt and resistance.
How do you set yourself free?