Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Top 5 Emotional Effects Of Divorce

Heartbreak, Self

Understanding the emotional roller-coaster you are put on when dealing with a divorce.

Many women are not prepared for the emotional effects of divorce, especially if they are the one that initiated the separation and divorce. The so-called divorce support they receive from meaningful family and friends often wind up being an "ex" bashing session, which makes her feel worse about herself and her situation.

Top Five Emotional Effects of Divorce:

Anger
During all stages of divorce, you might feel intense anger towards your ex. You may be angry with him for leaving you, for not understanding you, or for having an affair. At other times, you may be angry with yourself for not seeing the signs, or for allowing him to hurt you the way he did. It is important to realize that if his actions are continuing to anger you, you have not let go. Even though anger is one of the common emotional effects on divorce, holding onto pent up anger is not hurting your ex at all. He could probably care less that you are angry. You need to forgive him and yourself for the roles each of you played that lead up to the divorce. Forgiveness is the only thing that can set you free to build a happy and fulfilling life.

Guilt
Women are filled with guilt during and after a divorce regardless if they initiated the separation or not. Guilt is one of the common emotional effects of divorce as you might constantly ask yourself if you did everything in your power to make your marriage work. You might be banging yourself over the head on whether or not you made the right decision. If he left, you could be asking yourself what you did wrong. You may feel guilty that you have disrupted the home life of your children. Guilt serves no purpose. Guilt focuses on past events, which are impossible to change. By learning to let go of the past, you are able to look to the future.

Fear
Many women are terrified during divorce. Fear is one of the emotional effects of divorce that women feel in a variety of ways. There are many faces of fear, including fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of making ends meet, the fear of being a bag-lady, the fear of being a single mom, the fear of what other people will think and the list goes on and on. An acronym for fear is, "False Evidence Appearing Real." This tells you that fear is something you are making up in your own mind by conjuring up a thousand "what ifs." When you begin to feel fearful, ask yourself what you are thinking and turn the thought around. For example if you are thinking being a single mom is going to be hard, ask yourself why is being a single mom going to be easy. With practice, the fears will dissipate and you will begin looking forward to a wonderful future. Keep Reading...

More Divorce Content From YourTango:

Explore YourTango