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Lonely and alone are two VERY different things.
By Cindy Holbrook — Written on Aug 13, 2018
Just because you've recently gotten divorced doesn't mean your life is over. However, when asked what her greatest fear is during and after a divorce, women often answer "being alone."
Letting go of these fears and learning how to deal with loneliness is a part of the divorce recovery process. Once you've grieved the death of your marriage, there's no reason you can't create a happy and fulfilling life full of love and joy.
After being married for years, it's strange to think of being alone. You're used to someone always being there. You and your ex had a certain routine. You depended upon each other for certain things, such as taking the trash out, doing the laundry or getting the oil changed. Maybe you enjoyed Sunday morning pancakes or watching your favorite show together on Thursday nights. You can't bear the thought of being alone in a silent house.
Possibly, you fear that no one will ever love you again. You picture yourself being a frail old cat lady that no one loves. Maybe you think you're too old, fat or ugly for any man to ever take a second look at you. Or perhaps you feel like you will die from lack of physical contact.
Whatever your fears, here's how to deal with loneliness and overcome divorce grief.
1. Redirect your thoughts.
Take the negative thoughts and images out of your mind and replace them with more positive, happy thoughts. Realize that your thoughts aren't necessarily true.
For some reason your subconscious has chosen to believe them. It's important for you to identify your thoughts. Choose what you want to believe and constantly redirect your mind to these happier thoughts.
2. Don't dwell on the good times for too long.
Be honest with yourself here. You may miss the sound of him working with his power tools in the garage. Perhaps you've become so accustomed to his snoring that it's hard to sleep without it. You may miss the fact that he would feed and walk the dogs. And of course, you could miss the warmth of a body next to yours.
It's interesting how many women say they miss the intimacy when it has been dormant in their marriage for months or possibly even years before the physical separation. Even if the two of you shared great lovemaking up till the end, it doesn't equate to a loving relationship.
3. Learn how to be alone.
Ask yourself what you can appreciate about being alone. Make a game of it and see how many things you can list on a piece of paper. Perhaps it's nice going to sleep without the television on for background noise. Maybe you really like sleeping in middle of the bed or having the entire closet all to yourself. You can leave dirty dishes in the sink if you feel like it.
This is your life. You can live it as you please. You can come and go without answering to anyone. You can do whatever you feel like when you want to, without being questioned. Take a long road trip and see the sites you've always wanted to see.
4. Meet new people.
You can only be alone if you choose to be alone. There are millions of people in this world; make it a point to go meet them. If you choose to wallow in your house, you will never meet them. Take the initiative.
Scan your paper for events that you can attend. More than likely, you will find things that you're interested in, be it exercising, riding a bike, reading books or watching movies. When you get invited to barbecues or other parties, go to them. You never know who you might meet there and strike up a lifelong friendship with.
For tips and articles on how to heal and find inner peace during and after divorce, visit SupportForDivorcedWomen. You can also follow Cindy on Facebook or Twitter: @CindyHolbrook.