Re-introduce yourself to yourself!
Going through your divorce is probably one of the most trying times in your life. It's hard to imagine that it might actually make you stronger (and happier). However, when you get through this dark tunnel, the light you'll come into will be so bright and radiant and wonderful that you'll feel like a brand new you. YES, it really is possible to experience peace during and after divorce. It's OK to feel your feelings and grieve for the marriage that you thought would last forever. But, it's also OK to learn from your divorce and become a stronger woman on the other side of it.
Most women never see it coming, which means they aren't prepared to be completely independent. It's expensive to run a household on one income. Even if you and your husband had a lot together, or even if you supported the household, you'll have to learn to rely on yourself like never before. Not having that support or backbone, whether it's changing the air filters or paying the mortgage, is a huge adjustment. Trust yourself and take pride in the fact that you are doing it. Will you struggle? Most likely. However, the rewards are great when you realize that you CAN do it. Just you. By yourself.
2. Let Me Introduce You To….YOU
That sounds silly, right? But it's true. Your identity may have been entwined with being "his wife" and now you can reintroduce yourself to yourself. Figure out what you like. Where you like to go. What you like to do. Most people think that sounds absurd, however there are parts of you that you may have ignored or not explored because those parts didn't seem to fit well into the marriage. Well, now you can explore yourself and get to know yourself and become your own best friend. This will actually make you happier, a better woman, daughter, mother, sister, and friend.
At first, your confidence was probably shattered. It may still be fragile. But in time you'll come to realize what a wonderful person you are, and see yourself in a different light. You can find yourself, your strength, and your inner-goddess. Find one thing that you like about yourself, even if it's your hair or your eyebrows. Look at yourself every day and appreciate that about you. As time goes on, add to your list. Next thing you'll know there will be a long list of features and qualities about you that you find beautiful. At the end of the day, that's what matters. No one else will be in your head when you close your eyes every night or open them every morning.
4. What You Want and Don't Want
Going through the emotional and mental roller coaster of divorce can be used to your advantage if you let it. Determine all the things you do and don't want. In yourself, in your partner, in your household, in your life. Keep ongoing lists of each of these areas and any others you can think of. Concentrate on the things that you do want, but remember that we determine what we do want based on what we learn we don't want.
Knowing yourself, and in turn knowing your worth, will cause you to respect yourself like never before. This will also help you carry yourself in a way that demands respect by all others. Learn how to say "no" and be OK with that. Don't apologize for it. It's really OK to do what you want to do, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. Let pettiness and petty people work their way out of your life. People treat you the way you teach them and allow them to.
Try to see your divorce as another lesson in life. Hold your head up high, you will get through this and you will come out of this an amazing, strong woman. Stay focused on learning and applying changes that you want to apply to create the life you want to live.
SupportForDivorcedWomen.com offers practical and proven tips and techniques to grieve the loss of your marriage and heal at lightening speed.
This article was originally published at Coaching For Divorced Women. Reprinted with permission from the author.