Do You Need A Divorce Coach?

Plus: 4 steps to take when your husband leaves unexpectedly.

By Cindy Holbrook — Written on Feb 27, 2013

Many women are so wrapped up in the routine of their busy hectic lives that they fail to see increasing signs that their husbands have gradually become more distant. This was the case of a recent client, Jen. Can you relate to her story?

Jen thought life was going fine. Sure, she and Carl had problems but she never expected him to come home one night and announce he was leaving. She was devastated! Worse, she was unaware of the emotional effects of divorce and breakups.

As Jen watched Carl walk out the door, she wanted to scream, "Don't leave!" Jen was in a state of shock and disbelief. She began conjuring up ways to win back Carl's love. They had been married for 15 years and she refused to believe that his love had just died, even though for years, he had been telling her he loved her but was no longer "in love" with her.

Jen looked at her calendar with all the impending events that she and Carl were supposed to attend together. She wondered if she should attend these events solo or stay at home. She had a million thoughts rushing through her head and did not know which way to turn. Her emotions were running rampant with highs and lows that changed by the second. She was fearful, confused, angry and hurt.

Jen needed support and she knew it. She needed to sort through her emotions and decide what actions to take. Her options included speaking to a friend, therapist or divorce coach.

A family member or friend may or may not be thes best support. They love you and want you to be happy. They are the most likely to bash your husband and tell you "it is his loss" or say "you are better off without him. " A therapist will help you sort through your feelings. Depending upon their practice, they might want to delve into your past and review what happened. They may focus too much on your past, which does little to ensure your future.

More divorce advice from YourTango:

A divorce coach, on the other hand, offers you a safe-harbor to vent your feelings, share your fears, disappointments and dreams. A divorce coach will help you to sort out the myriad of emotions you have and help you determine the best course of action for you to take. A divorce coach is like your own personal cheerleader.

Jen decided to contact a divorce coach, who helped her to realize that she did not have to make any small or major decisions at this, particular moment. There is no rush or deadline.

The initial course tht Jen and her coach decided upon was for Jen to:

1. Live in the moment. When you feel the walls crumbling down around you, take a few deep breaths and remember you are all right in this moment.

2. Journal your feeling. Pour your heart out into paper. Journaling works the best when you do not think about what you are saying, using proper English or grammatical errors. People are often amazed at what comes out of their heads when they just put pen to paper and let the thoughts flow directly from their subconscious to their hand.

3. Really feel your feelings. Accept that whatever you are feeling is okay. There are no bad feelings, they just are. If you feel like crying let the tears fall. If you are full of anger and rage, beat the crap out of a pillow or stuffed animal. If you feel restless, take a walk or go to the gym. If you feel like scream, find a place that you can scream like crazy without fear of someone calling the cops.

4. Be grateful. This can be tough when you feel like your world is falling apart around you. If you really want to, you can find things to be grateful for, such as the roses are blooming in your garden, your morning cup of coffee or that your friend Sue called to check up on you. Try to find five things you are grateful for each day.

Decisions made when you are hurting or angry usually do not turn out well. Make appointments with professionals such as an attorney or financial advisor before making a major decision. Know your options and legal penalties before you sell your house, file bankruptcy or have a yard sale to get rid all your husband's belongings.