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Testing 1, 2, 3

Testing 1, 2, 3

The games people play during relationships,

I had an interesting conversation with some of my close girlfriends and they all have said the same thing lately:

"Why the games?"

I honestly have had that issue before with my relationships with men. Either I push them away to see if they will come running back or they push me away to see if I will come running back. Why do we do this to each other? Because inevitably the relationship will not last because someone in the relationship will get tired of being tested. The reason why we do this is TRUST! All of us have had our hearts broken before and honestly it all effects us in different ways, but the main common denominator will be the trust factor. Once we have lost trust in one man or woman we lose it to all men and women. Just because the last person broke your heart and that relationship didn't work out does not mean the next relationship you are in will do the same thing! But if you treat them like your last boyfriend or girlfriend than the end will inevitably be the same... a broken heart.

We condition ourselves not to trust, because one untrusting man or woman made us have an issue with trust. And I know it is hard to break a pattern that you have started because that first love or second love broke you, but if you don't break that pattern than that pattern will break you and you will be alone.

My last boyfriend was so badly hurt he tested me constantly on my love for him. And I will be honest, I did the same to him. And look how we turned out. We didn't make it because we didn't trust in our love for each other. He and I would have been great for each other. We both had a lot of things in common and the passion we had for each other was undeniable. Because of the tests, the lack of trust, and lets face it the games... we did not last. I honestly thought I would marry this man and hoped he and I would be the two that made it.

Unfortunately, he just went through a divorce and his trust was broken because she cheated. I have never been the one to cheat, but because of this woman who hurt him terribly, he thought I was cheating. Had he had faith in the love I had for him we would have been great. I am not a jealous person by nature so I do not understand that emotion very well. I firmly believe if someone is going to cheat there is nothing you can say or do, that person will cheat. Because of his past he put her vices and her mistakes on me. Which in the end hurt me more. I hate that he thought I was like her. Because I am and was nothing like her and will never be her. And he continuously tested me to see how much I loved him because of what she did. After all of these back and forth games you lose faith in yourself and in that person.

So if you are in a relationship where they are constantly testing you and making you feel remorse for something you didn't do learn to change the cycle. You may not be able to do it without your partner also changing with you, but if you change that aspect of your personality at least you can be at peace knowing it was not your fault as to why it couldn't, shouldn't, or wouldn't work. 

Christy Goldstein, a dating coach and a dating expert, can help you with all of your dating needs. Christy's blunt personality helps you move quicker through the dating scene. She can help you with your dating profile, your dating checklists, red flags and more! Contact her at

This article was originally published at Luv and Relationships. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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