When you hear sabotage you think of a movie or war. You rarely think that you yourself are the one causing the relationship issues in your dating life. And you don’t want to think that the reason you are alone is not because their aren’t any good men, but you are alone because of you. I came to this realization a few months back. I am and have been sabotaging my own relationships and in a sense I am sabotaging my own happiness.
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A lot of women I have talked too say that they know exactly what I am talking about when I say relationship sabotage. They first think of the relationships they have ruined because of their own neuroses and their own self esteem issues. A lot of people ruin a good relationship because of them being insecure with themselves.
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I am one of those people. I have been independent to a fault and do not know how to allow someone to help me with even the mundane things such as carrying in groceries, walking my dogs for me, or picking up something I need at the store. My last relationship I sabotaged knowingly and completely. I don’t think there was anything else I could have done more thoroughly than ending that relationship.
I decided things for this person even before discussing it with them. I also assumed things that they probably hadn’t even thought about. Because of this we obviously ended the relationship. Well I ended it. Many times. So because I have this issue and acknowledge this I am hoping to change the way I react and think when it comes to relationships.
My biggest fear is abandonment. I have a lot of baggage per say and not many would want to deal with all the things that goes with being in my life. And so as a coping mechanism I push that person so far away that there is no turning back once I am done with them. I have acknowledged this and I want to change this part of my personality so going forward I won’t push the next person away. And hopefully the next guy will accept all of who I am.