How Far Will You Go For Love?
Recently, I was talking to a friend about how the dating pool in our 30's is sadly drying up, that we are forced to go back to past loves or even our past loves family members. Now, I am not knocking anyone who has dated a family member of an old relationship, but I do think that if you go this route, it is best that the ex of the family member you are trying to date wasn't a long term relationship. And here is why I think this way....
My friend was in love with a guy for many years; it was partly the reason her marriage had fallen apart. Now, granted there were other reasons that marriage was going to fail, but adding cheating on top of it, didn't make it any easier on themselves. So, because the start of this new relationship with this guy, who basically broke up a marriage, started out so dramatically, there was no way this relationship was ever going to go past the bedroom. No matter how much love she gave him, it wasn't going to matter to him.
When a relationship starts out dramatic, as in this case, the odds of the relationship lasting long term is not great. She wanted him to commit and he probably only thought about the way their relationship started. Since she cheated on her husband with him, how could he be so sure that she wouldn't do the same to him? And he couldn't be sure, so the relationship was what it was always going to be, a booty call.
She went back and forth with him for a few years, hoping he would change his mind and he would commit to her. But, after numerous failed attempts, she decided to move on and try a dating app, just to see who was out there. Never did she imagine she would like the older brother of the man she was just intimate with.
She claimed she didn't know that it was his brother at first, but seeing pictures of them side by side, I find that hard to believe. Now, looking at this from a 3rd party standpoint, most would think she was hanging out with the older brother, because she couldn't have the one she really wanted, which was the younger brother, so they think she was settling with the other brother since he was there and willing. Others will think she is trying to get back at the other brother to test what he would think about it. Maybe she was hoping he would realize he did want to be with her. Who knows?
No matter the reason she decided to date this guy, there were going to be issues with this relationship, because they are all connected to the past baggage. In my opinion, you should not date relatives of an ex love. Now if it's a distant cousin, that is different, but if it is a brother or a sister, stay away! Her situation goes a lot deeper than just them being brothers. The brothers do not speak to each other, but the older brother knew of her and his brother's situation. So either the older brother is using her to get back at his brother for whatever reason, or he is genuine. No one can know for sure of this guys intentions or even her intentions with this relationship.
When we were in middle school or even high school, dating brothers wasn't such a big deal, and even now it wouldn't have been such a big deal, had she not been in love with the other brother and that her marriage fell apart partly because of this guy. People were always going to criticize and speculate their reasoning for dating each other, especially the people who know the whole story.
So what say you? Could you date your ex love's brother or sister? Or is that a forbidden line, you should never cross?
Christy Goldstein is a relationship coach and can help you with all your relationship needs. Whether you need help with your current relationship challenges or to get over your past breakups and the events that happened during that break up, she has you covered! Contact Christy for a free 30 minute Skype consult! email@example.com