What marriage means to me and is it a deal breaker for me...
I am turning 30 in December which is a big year. The year you should have your life planned out to a "T" but here it is, I am turning 30 and I have nothing planned love wise. At my age most have gotten married or are getting married. Most have kids or are about to have a child. And me? Well I have none of that and I do not even have a man in my life right now that I could even say I would marry. To me, marriage is not guaranteed happiness. I have friends who are already divorced, my parents are also divorced and it is just not that important in my life to find someone, marry them and have children. I have always thought I would never marry and have kids, I always felt my life was better used as a writer and if anything or anyone came along then great. If it didn't I wasn't concerned because lets be honest here in the world of technology and batteries I do not need someone per say.
Of course it would be nice to have someone share my life and theirs, but that is not a deal breaker and it is not what I search for. I have a great intuition and I find men who suit me and are not likely to settle down with me. I figure it is easier to find men who are commitment phobes than the men who want a relationship, but I sometimes get them wrong and they end up wanting more than I had bargained for. So I end up moving on and quickly. I know in my 30's I may change my tactic, but for now it is serving its purpose. I have been in love three times in my life all of them ending not the way I planned. So in my mind it is easier to be a "player" than to be the emotional whiny girl. I have never enjoyed someone contacting me constantly either through text messages or calling or even being together every minute of the day. I honestly feel claustrophobic when I have someone needy and always wanting to be with me. Maybe I am just projecting what I think I should do since I pick the wrong men? I do not have feelings for someone easily, I have never seen someone and thought "He will be the man I marry" Sure, I have had lust at first sight, but when people tell me they saw their significant other and "knew" I am thinking knew what? Only because you don't know that person. Even ten years later of being with the same person you do not truly know them. People change every day. They change their beliefs, their opinions on things and even mutual decisions they have made with their spouse changes. So to me to truly know someone inside out is not something we can say and have someone like me believe.
Of course it could be just my pessimist outlook on love and men in general, but I am hopeful one day someone will change my mind on this. Because in all honesty to live life alone is harder than with someone. Due to my age I have my parents looking at me and saying when are you going to settle down. Well in my mind they should have used a different word. Settling is something I will never do. And I do not think anyone should ever settle for second best or because that person is there. Life is about being happy and using your gifts and talents to your advantage. Not being happy with who you are with completely is not something I want to happen. I have seen bad relationships at there finest and at there worst and I honestly think that some are luckier than others to find their soulmate and some are looking too hard. All anyone wants is to be happy and content with how their life has turned out. And I hope I am one of the lucky ones, but at this time in my life I think I might be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel or I might learn to be happy just with who I am..... Alone.
Christy Goldstein is a relationship coach and can help you with all your relationship needs. Whether you need help with your current relationship challenges or to get over your past breakups and the events that happened during that break up, she has you covered! Contact Christy for a free 30 minute Skype consult! firstname.lastname@example.org