We have all dealt with them and sometimes you have even been called one... a player. In my dating life I have been called more often than not an unemotional girl or a player. Yet at 29 I am starting to think maybe I am not a player per say. Maybe I just don't feel for many people or I only feel for the one in a million.
If I meet new guys I am almost positive I will not feel anything for any of them. I am very good at reading people and so I am starting to think that because I am so good at knowing what someone wants I run for the hills. I have a friend who falls in love with anyone who gives them attention. I don't know what is worse falling in love with everyone or falling for no one?
I have been in love three times, but as I think more about the three people I was in love with I actually now think I was in love twice. The more you analyze something the harder it gets to understand what is real and what is not. I call myself more often than not the most unemotional girl you will ever meet. Which in my mind is sad and sadly enough very true. I am not the type to sleep with someone and fall so madly in love because of doing the "deed" I actually feel less emotional afterwards. So I wonder if my unemotional self has more to do with me not wanting to get hurt? But I find that hard to believe because there honestly is no one I am attracted too... well for long.
A lot of people tell me how much they are in love and how happy they are. I am always thinking how and why? I am of course happy for all my friends who have found the loves of their lives, but I am also wondering how they fell in love. Some tell me when they met their significant others that they just knew they were the ones. And I have never felt that way. Even the two times I was in love I knew I wouldn't marry them and that they would be in my life for a short time. Which was true. But the reality is, I am on a different thought process than most women. A lot of women are looking for their soul mates so they can settle down and get married. Most little girls think of their weddings at an early age. I never had a dream to get married and have kids. My dream was to be successful and to never have to rely on a man for money, or anything for that matter. So maybe that is my flaw and my strength depending on how you look at it.
I am a loner at heart. I work better alone and I am not a bubbly people person. I have always been taught to not trust anyone. Luckily for me I have a great intuition so I have surrounded myself around people whom I trust wholeheartedly. Of course it is a small group of people, but to be honest I never wanted a huge group of friends. To me a lot of people means less people to trust. I have always thought a person is smart, but people are not. You get so many emotions when you are dealing with a lot of people. But if you only have a few people then you have less emotion and less bullshit.