Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

To Be A Player Or Not

To Be A Player Or Not
Love

My journey on learning what I want and what I won't stand for.

We have all dealt with them and sometimes you have even been called one... a player. In my dating life I have been called more often than not an unemotional girl or a player. Yet at 29 I am starting to think maybe I am not a player per say. Maybe I just don't feel for many people or I only feel for the one in a million.

If I meet new guys I am almost positive I will not feel anything for any of them. I am very good at reading people and so I am starting to think that because I am so good at knowing what someone wants I run for the hills. I have a friend who falls in love with anyone who gives them attention. I don't know what is worse falling in love with everyone or falling for no one?

I have been in love three times, but as I think more about the three people I was in love with I actually now think I was in love twice. The more you analyze something the harder it gets to understand what is real and what is not. I call myself more often than not the most unemotional girl you will ever meet. Which in my mind is sad and sadly enough very true. I am not the type to sleep with someone and fall so madly in love because of doing the "deed" I actually feel less emotional afterwards. So I wonder if my unemotional self has more to do with me not wanting to get hurt? But I find that hard to believe because there honestly is no one I am attracted too... well for long.

A lot of people tell me how much they are in love and how happy they are. I am always thinking how and why? I am of course happy for all my friends who have found the loves of their lives, but I am also wondering how they fell in love. Some tell me when they met their significant others that they just knew they were the ones. And I have never felt that way. Even the two times I was in love I knew I wouldn't marry them and that they would be in my life for a short time. Which was true. But the reality is, I am on a different thought process than most women. A lot of women are looking for their soul mates so they can settle down and get married. Most little girls think of their weddings at an early age. I never had a dream to get married and have kids. My dream was to be successful and to never have to rely on a man for money, or anything for that matter. So maybe that is my flaw and my strength depending on how you look at it.

I am a loner at heart. I work better alone and I am not a bubbly people person. I have always been taught to not trust anyone. Luckily for me I have a great intuition so I have surrounded myself around people whom I trust wholeheartedly. Of course it is a small group of people, but to be honest I never wanted a huge group of friends. To me a lot of people means less people to trust. I have always thought a person is smart, but people are not. You get so many emotions when you are dealing with a lot of people. But if you only have a few people then you have less emotion and less bullshit.

Most people always misjudge me. They think my precarious and don't give a fuck attitude is me thinking I am better than everyone else or that I am a bitch. Which I have always said people who don't want the truth about themselves will always point the finger back at me because I am brutally honest. I feel life is short so why sugar coat things when I honestly don't have the time to say poor baby. I always look at reality, not emotions people put into a situation. So because of me telling someone you were wrong in a situation makes them think I am a bitch, because I told them something that no one else does. That you fucked up. But on the other side of this I want them to do the same to me. My feelings are rarely hurt. If someone doesn't like me or if someone is talking lies about me, have fun is my response. I could care less if a million people came to me and said they don't like me. Because in the end it doesn't matter what people think of me its how I think of myself. And if they choose to lie about who I am then its their time and energy they are wasting not mine. I know who I am and who I am not.

But my player-dom, as I call it, I am hopeful only because I have not met the right person. Luckily, for me I do tell them to not get attached, so if they happen to get attached to me then they were forewarned it wouldn't end the way they wanted it too. I normally go after men who I know are players as well. That way I know the emotions won't get involved. Unfortunately, for me those exact players end up falling for me. Not because they think I am the one, but because I am the unattainable and they are confused. I am that one girl who didn't fall for them. Which for some is a hard pill to swallow. Eventually they will learn. Or hell, I may find the one who can change me.

Christy Goldstein, a dating coach and a dating expert, can help you with all of your dating needs. Christy's blunt personality helps you move quicker through the dating scene. She can help you with your dating profile, your dating checklists, red flags and more! Contact her at christygoldsteinthesexpert@gmail.com

Explore YourTango