5 Steps to a Better Marriage


5 Steps to a Better Marriage

Too Much To Do.

Life gets crazy doesn’t it? You’ve fit your kids’ basketball and cheerleading practices into your schedule along with the dance recitals, the board meeting the business trip - and on it goes... It’s a whirlwind of “to-dos.” But where does your marriage fit into all of that? How much time do you put into making your marriage a priority, into making it what you want it to be? With all these other commitments competing for attention, your marriage can end up forgotten, like the old vacation pictures at the back of the junk drawer - lost.


It usually doesn’t get much attention until the signs of neglect become too hard to ignore. You begin to feel like those “two ships,” as if you’re
roommates instead of the loving partners you once were. You might even start to wonder if your marriage is going to work out at all. Well, it’s no wonder. Neither of you is getting what you need, and your marriage is certainly not getting what it needs to thrive. Your marriage is the foundation of your family and it is too important to ignore.

Begin to Notice What’s Working
It’s often hard to see past all the conflict and resentment that begin to tear down the marriage. The good things often get overlooked and overshadowed. It’s so important to begin to refocus attention on what’s working in the marriage. Try to notice what your spouse may be doing that you could appreciate. A little positive reinforcement can go a long way. It can change the whole energy in the relationship, paving the way for more good things to happen.

Deposits of Caring Connection
Your marriage is like a bank account. There are going to be withdrawals now and then. That’s why it is so important to replenish it with regular
deposits. They don’t have to be large ones. It could be as simple as making coffee in the morning or checking in during the day to ask, “How’s your day going?” There are so many little ways to show you care: a kiss hello, a kiss goodbye, or a surprise night out can make all the difference. They may seem little, but they pay big dividends.

Fight Fair
You have to know how to have a good clean “fight.” Conflict can actually help you grow closer together. Yes, you heard right! It’s not the conflict itself so much as the way we resolve the conflict that makes all the difference. Take the time to listen to each other’s point of view with respect and kindness. Both perspectivesare equally valid. It’s not a matter of right or wrong. It’s all about giving each other the gift of listening.

This article was originally published at Christine Wilke. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Christine Wilke,Ed.S,LMFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

Christine Wilke, Ed.S.

Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist

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Location: Easton, PA
Credentials: LMFT, Other
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