If you’re having passion and intimacy problems, your relationship likely did not start out that way. You and your significant other were probably cruising along, enjoying lots of passion and intimacy but then…wham! You hit a wall! The passion dried up and you were left wondering, “What happened????” Unfortunately this is an all too common occurrence in lesbian relationships and often comes seemingly out of the blue.
While you may feel like the sudden drop off in sex occurred over night, take a moment and look back over the few month’s prior. Were you fighting more? Were you spending more time together doing mundane things? Were excuses for not having sex starting to crop up? If so, you may be experiencing one of the 2 common causes for the loss of sexual energy in your relationship.
Cause #1 – Relationship Issues
Women need connection to have sex and be intimate. Relationship issues will negatively affect your sex life, even if they don’t seem connected. If one or both of you are feeling attacked, dissatisfied, misunderstood, distrustful, or any number of other negative emotions, you will not be in the emotional or mental state to be intimate. The intensity of these emotions and the frequency you experience them are a gauge of how they are affecting your relationship. If you’re feeling distrust towards your significant other on a regular basis because you think she is cheating on you, you sex life is going to suffer more intensely then if you feel distrustful because she didn’t take out the garbage.
Cause #2 – Friend-Zone
Lesbians, please, resist the “urge to merge!” Nothing kills your sex life quicker then falling into the friendship rut. This occurs when you’re spending too much time together, relying on her for all your emotional support, and treating each other more like friends than lovers. Make sure you are spending time apart especially with other friends and on activities that you enjoy. When you’re together, emotionally support each other differently than you do your friends. Give her your attention and focus without judgment. Practice being an empathetic listener that she can trust to hear her out and avoid giving her your opinions or suggestions when she’s emotionally vulnerable. Lastly, cultivate passion and intimacy by re-kindling the romance in your relationship. Write her love notes, bring her flowers for no reason, and surprise her with a romantic dinner out.
If you’re experiencing passion and intimacy issues in your relationship, don’t expect them to go away on their own. Instead of getting better with time, they often get much worse and result in “Lesbian Bed Death,” infidelity, and relationship break ups. Be proactive and find out what may be causing your problems and what you can do to fix your relationship. It’s never too late as long as you are both committed to learning and growing together.
More love advice from YourTango
This article was originally published at Lesbian Love Guru
. Reprinted with permission from the author.