We've all heard the phrase "quality time", and we all realize that it's important to our romantic relationships, but did you realize that many lesbian couples fail to focus on the actual quality in their quality time?
We're going to talk about how to create "High Quality Quality Time." I know, I know, right now you're thinking, "I already have so many demands on my time, how am I supposed to fit in even more time with my significant other?" The great thing about focusing on the quality is that you don't necessarily have to set aside more time.
Another question you may be pondering now is, "Why does this really matter?" Taking time each day to connect on a deep and meaningful level is what builds and maintains the foundation of a successful lesbian relationship. Why does it matter? Because you want to be with your special someone; because we all like to feel needed and important to the person we love; because you've decided to move forward in a romantic relationship which tells me you'd rather not be alone—so, listen up!
Step one in creating HQQT is to realize that quality time looks different to different people. What makes one person feel deeply connected is not going to be the same for all people. You need to find out what activities are most powerful for you and your significant other, and then do those things! Remember, knowledge is only powerful when you put action behind it. Take some time to figure out which activities create the deepest sense of connection for you, then ask your partner to do the same. As you do, write down the different activities. Take a moment to jot down how much time each one requires. You'll find that some can be accomplished in just a few minutes, while others require a larger chunk of time. The next step is to schedule it!
"But romance is supposed to be spontaneous, right?" you might be thinking. To quote one of my wife's favorite movies, My Cousin Vinnie, "A burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic." Romance can just as easily come from anticipation as it can from spontaneity. And you can still have your spur of the moment times; this just helps make sure that you are following through on you HQQT. We all lead busy lives, and expecting connection to just fall in your lap whenever you need it is unrealistic. So, put on your big girl pants and pencil in some fun dates for you and your girl.
When it comes to scheduling, you want to look for those mini-connects that you can do every day. They can be as simple as sending a sweet text, or even a sext! I hear that's all the rage these days.
If you feel really connected through physical touch, take a few seconds throughout the day to hug your partner. Studies show that hugs lasting 20 seconds release oxytocin, that wondrous feel good chemical in our brains. Find 20 seconds a couple of times a day and get your hug fix!
There are hundreds of little ways you can create high quality connection throughout the day, and this is where your list will come in handy. Look at the actions that take 5-10 minutes or less. These are activities that can be done daily. Remember, find the ones that have the biggest impact and focus on those. Any other mini-connects can be thrown in for variety.
Now, when you're looking at your handy-dandy list, you will likely see that several of those activities take an hour or more. These are things that you're going to want to look at scheduling on a weekly basis. If you have time to do these on a daily basis, great! But if you have a tight schedule, you can shoot for weekly. You'll also want to look at making some of these one-on-one activities so you can create some real focus and attention.
Some examples of weekly activities would be a date night, or even a staycation at a local hotel. The point here is to find things that have a big impact and really amp up the quality of the time you are spending together. Maybe that's a hike or a wine tour. Whatever it is, make sure that you can give your partner your focused time. And have fun! Also, as a side note, avoid talking about topics that are stressed related. HQQT is about enjoying each other, not fighting with each other.
One of the most important parts of HQQT is the intimate time. When you're scheduling in quality time, don't forget about your fun times between the sheets. Remember, anticipation can be just as fun as spontaneity, and nowhere is that more true than in the bedroom. Scheduling also gives you the opportunity to let go of your daily worries and focus on the moment.
It's important to remember that intimacy can look different to your partner than it does to you. It's good to take some time to talk about what each of you considers sex. And remember, intimacy doesn't necessarily mean having sex. You can spend time touching one another without any further expectations. This can also be time that you set aside for sharing deep emotions.
For more ideas on how to build High Quality Quality Time you can check out my FREE video series "Relationship Magic: How to Re-Ignite, Re-Invent, & Re-Define your relationship to create deeper connection, love, and passion!" You'll also find great ideas in my Date Your Wife program, included for free with Relationship Magic.
Do you want to make the relationship work, but aren't sure how to reignite the passion and fun you felt when everything was fresh and new? If so, click the link below for my FREE 4-part video series that is designed to give you the skills and tools to have the relationship you really want. Click HERE to get all 4 videos FREE!
For More Date Night Ideas From YourTango: