Do you wonder if you'll ever meet someone you'll be comfortable talking to?
Do you go to a friend's party and stand in the corner and wish you knew what to say? Do you see someone who looks interesting, but then get all tongue tied?
For those of you who are introverts, I'm sure dating can look like a "sea filled with extroverts." Your helpful friends (who are probably extroverts) may be saying, "just go out and meet people." And you can probably think of lots of other things you'd rather do than "just go out." (Root canal anyone?)
As a coach, I've worked with both introverted and extroverted clients. In my personal life, I've dated a number of introverts. And here's what I've learned:
- Introverts are really great people to date.
- They truly listen when you talk.
- They ask insightful questions and (again) listen to your answers.
- When they talk they have interesting things to say.
- They don't want to chit chat for long periods of time because they would rather have a conversation with substance.
As an extrovert, I found I liked all of these traits a lot!
So, if you're an introvert who's ready to date, there are a couple things to consider.
First, it's important to determine if you're more comfortable dating another introvert or an extrovert. The dividing line seems to be – are you looking for someone who will bring a social life to you, or someone who will hunker down at home with you?
Once you answer this question (or if you don't know yet and would like to figure out what works for you), here are some places (attended by both extroverts and introverts) you can go to comfortably to meet potential dates.
(1) Take a class in something you're already interested in or would like to learn more about. For example:
- Music appreciation
- Learn a language
When you meet people there, you'll automatically have this interest in common. This gives you ready-made things to talk about (why did you take this class, please pass the salt, merci).
(2) Participate in a club or activity you're already interested in or would like to learn more about, such as:
- A book club
- A ski club
- A meet-up group (for playing cards, going to the movies, board games, etc.)
I chatted with a single woman recently who had a season pass to Disneyland. She was part of a meet-up group that included other singles with season passes. When one of the members wanted to go to Disneyland, they would post it in the meet-up group and she said usually there would be 3-4 people (both men and women) who wanted to go on the same day. What a great way to meet new people in a very public place.
(3) Volunteer for organizations you care about
- Red Cross
- Local museum or charity
When you're involved in giving back, it's easier to find common things to talk about and to stop worrying about yourself.
(4) Use an online dating website:
- This gives you (as an introvert) plenty of time to think about what you want to say.
- You can ask people questions through the website so you'll feel more comfortable deciding if you want to meet them.
- If you decide to meet them, you'll already know things about them and this makes it easier to have conversations.
Even though I advocate getting out of your house to meet people, online dating does give you the chance to initially meet new people without leaving home.
So – all you introverts – I hope you can tell by now that you don't have to pretend to be an extrovert to date successfully.
Give some of these ideas a try, and do let me know which tips work for you. And if you get stuck somewhere in the process, contact me at Christine@ThePerfectCatch.com so we can navigate the world of dating together.
In my work with introverts and extroverts, I've found they have many common desires. Both types want to meet someone nice who will treat them well – someone they'll enjoy spending time with and who could potentially be a life partner.