“I promise to love, honor and cherish you…,” the proverbial vows we’ve all witnessed at one wedding ceremony or another, each person taking a vow to be with the other forever, a serious and deep commitment for sure. Yet today’s divorce rate still hovers around 50%. Why? Are we just a society full of vow breakers, who don’t put much integrity into our words? The statistics say one in two people will break their vows because of issues like infidelity, abuse, sex and money, however, if you look deeper, you’ll see that those are just symptoms of a cause that was present way before the marriage, engagement, and even the dating. The real problem starts when we are single, and continues to wreak havoc as we create relationships. The real culprit? You. The real problem? You forgot to make some very critical promises first with the most important partner in your life, yourself.
The fact is that every relationship starts and ends with the relationship we first have with ME. So before you go making any promises to anyone else, take the following ME-Vows with yourself, and then get started living them.
ME-Vow #1: I Know ME.
“I promise to do whatever it takes to know who I really am, and I live as that person, totally awake and aware, and whole within myself.”
Sounds simple doesn’t it? Who doesn't know who they are? Unfortunately lots of people. Most of us live our lives on autopilot, going through life working tirelessly to attain the next linear rung on the American Dream ladder (college, job, marriage, kids, work, retire), totally oblivious if what we are doing is actually what we really want in life. It’s only when we start to question the status quo that we get wind of the fact that we’ve been driven for years by unhealthy motivations like our fear, egos and emotional wounds. Many people call it “waking up,” because you literally awaken to the fact that there is much more to you and life than you ever thought. It’s your job to commit to knowing who you are and what you really want out of life, to healing your emotional wounds (we all have them), and to living every day aware and awake.
Vows into Action: Self-discovery takes help from others; catalysts to wake you up to realities you can’t see yet. Think of one area of your life that’s not so great. Get a related self-help book, attend a workshop, or work with a coach. Explore you.
ME-Vow #2: I am Honest with ME.
“I commit to unwavering, uncompromising honesty about myself and with myself, no matter what.”
Of course, it seems completely idiotic to lie to your best friend (that's you), but the fact is we have all lied to ourselves. Queens and Kings of Illusion! Why would you do such a thing? It’s simple. Fear. But not fear of the truth, it’s actually the fear of the consequences of the truth that make us create illusions about our lives and relationships… the fear of being alone, of being rejected, of being made to look a fool, just to name a few. But here’s the real truth: fear is part of life, no escaping it, but you do have a choice – get real and address your fears and find your truths, or hide and ignore them until the day they blow up in your face. It’s your job to get to know the lies you’re telling today and make the promise to stop creating new ones tomorrow.
Vows into Action: Ask someone you trust, “Is there anything you think I am lying to myself about?” And then, listen.