Love and authentic partnership take time.
ANTIDOTES FOR UNHEALTHY ATTRACTION
While unhealthy attraction may feel great, liberating, and even
life-giving at times, in the end the great feelings are not sustainable.
They may, however, keep us in a relationship for years, preventing
us from finding the kind of relationship we really desire.
Luckily for us, there are extremely powerful antidotes to the
unhealthy attraction syndrome, which all entail being truthful to
ourselves — and admittedly, this is usually easier said than done.
One of the most effective ways to snap ourselves out of the
unhealthy delusions of our attraction is to stop and question ourselves.
Automatically, whether we’re in a relationship or single, it
forces us to turn our focus away from HE, SHE and WE, and place it
directly on ME. The only way we can create what we want is to be real with ourselves, even when it isn’t easy. So if you find yourself in a WE, even if things are going great, stop and answer the following questions from time to time.
Challenge yourself to be 100 percent honest, even if — especially if —
you don’t like the answers.
Why do you want a HE/SHE and a WE in your life?
What kind of HE/SHE and WE do you currently have?
Does what you have fit what you want?
If it fits, great. If what you have doesn’t fit, what line of
bull are you feeding yourself to make it okay to stay?
In what ways are you settling?
Write the ways you are settling out on a piece of paper and stare at them for a awhile. Play your life forward based on what you are currently settling for. Ask yourself, is this what you want for YOUR life? If not, it’s time to take a stand for loving the most important partner in your life – yourself!
Every person deserves a dynamic, life-affirming partnership,
but many of us settle for less, and as a result, we get a relationship,
not a partnership. We stay with people we connect with or are
attracted to, but who are not walking with us down life ’s path as
authentic partners — we aren’t supporting each other, enriching
each other’s experiences, and nourishing each other’s spirit and
When the relationship moves past the dating stage and into
the more serious living-life-together phase, unless it’s a partnership,
you will find yourself dealing with life’s demands
alone. Because we can, we forge ahead, attempting to carry the
burden of the entire load, putting our own needs last and ending
up tired as hell. My experience of doing it alone while in a relationship
was that it had far too great a cost to my soul. No matter
how attracted we are to a person, if they are dead weight, an emotionally
empty vessel, or toxic sewage in our energy streams, then they
has no place in our lives.
About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches women how find the love and happiness they want, by loving their most important partner first, themselves! Arylo is the popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com and is frequent media guest on the topics of love and life. Known as the “Queen of Self-Love,” Arylo created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. www.madlyinlovewithme.com