Remember that first day of school, when you wore a new outfit, new shoes, and were excited about learning and playing with your friends?
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And remember that first day on the new job at work, when you put on your high heels (or your nice tie) and showed up eager to see how you could make an impact?
And remember sitting at your desk in that same job, looking around, feeling exhausted, looking down, and wondering what happened to you. Asking yourself “When did I get so...resigned?”
“and ... tired.”
“and plain ... bored. I’m bored. *Sigh*”
And then you start to feel guilty. Guilty that you want to be doing SOMEthing else. ANYTHING else. And guilty that you spent so much time, and energy and money - putting so much into your education, your career, and yourself just to get HERE.
How did you end up wanting to leave?
How do you walk away from a good salary?
How do you justify staying when you are miserable?
And these thoughts spin inside your head, and you keep thinking that you should just be able to FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY.
It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it?
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Lonely, and sad, and frustrating. And nails on a chalkboard annoying.
I felt that way. I can remember sitting at my desk - looking around, and being so SO lonely when I felt like I was trapped in my suit. I felt like I was slowly drowning, but I could not open my mouth to scream.
I felt like if I left, I would never figure out how to pay my rent, or make a change. And because of that, I felt like I was waiting for my life to start.