Why Do Men Disappear?


Why Do Men Disappear?
Had a great date and he never calls again? Maybe three dates and then nothing?

There is a temptation to reveal a little too much on the first few dates. Remember…first few date=FUN. First few dates are not about the surgery you once had, the brokenness of your childhood, or the loss of a loved one. Do we bring our authentic self to the date? YES. Is there a time and place to reveal our whole life story? YES. Are the first few dates the time or place to open up about our own rough patches? Probably not. I don’t like rules, but let’s allow lightness, fun, and boundaries to rule the evening.


Where do you thrive? What excites you? What stimulates engagement?

Many times we set ourselves up for a bad date by walking into locations or situations where we know we are not at our best. If he wants catch a drink at a bar and you despise the bar scene but you adore a good coffee shop, let him know. If the great outdoors puts a huge smile on your face and he asks what you like to do, make the suggestion. Or…if he suggests sushi and you never have had it, how can you go into the night excited to try something new and let him know that this is a whole new world for you? He will love your sense of adventure and FUN and will enjoy being your guide to the experience.

Also, sometimes we can spice up the simplest locations. For instance, if you are a coffee date kind of girl: how about a coffee shop that has board games so you two can jump into some fun competition. If you head outdoors, how about jumping on bikes and cruise around your favorite preserve? Remember…FUN reveals more, not the Interview. The valuable 3 C’s (Chemistry, Compatibility, and Communication) are revealed much faster through a good time, as opposed to a planned questionnaire.


Even if the guy senses the interview, he will usually still be a gentleman and enjoy the date as much as possible. Maybe he might be turned off, but realizes that you two have the night together so he aims to enjoy the evening as much as possible-maybe even steal a kiss at the end of the night. However, once home, if the rigidity and business of the date stick out the most, he probably won’t call again.

I repeat the above disclaimer that these ideas can be applied to either gender. However, as a woman, ask yourself if you might slip into Interview mode from time to time. Ask yourself how you can bring your most inviting and fun energy to the next date. Keep it light, keep in fun, and odds are: you will learn and gain faster what you are seeking.


Seize the Date,


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Date Coach Christian Anderson

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Christian Anderson

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