When is the right time for sex when you are looking for a long term relationship?
By Christian Anderson — Written on Sep 13, 2012
SEX, SEX, and more SEX. It comes up quite quickly in dating, many times from the first date. It lingers between both of your thoughts and you might be wondering when will be the right time to let all systems go? If you do sleep with him, will it mess up your chemistry and will he end of pulling away? Or, can it elevate the budding chemistry and feed the relationship? If you are looking to attract a long term relationship, here are some ideas to think about.
Let’s get one thing straight, men think about sex all the time. We are built to be more sensitive to visual stimulation and can be distracted by every curve of your body. Nature definitely is a fan of procreation, and evolution has favored the species that knows how to do it and do it often. Homo sapiens made the cut on that bar of excellence and men have enjoyed carrying the torch for the survival of the human race. However, throughout this evolution, it was generally the female that chose the male.
As we expressed our Alpha qualities of potential provider and protector, you ladies sat back and picked the best choice for your DNA and for the survival of the family. There was some serious assessment that went into that choice. However, in the 21st Century, it seems that assessment can become as easy as getting an” A” on a test by just simply signing your name.
Your animal kingdom sisters of yesteryear would take this mating dance to the fullest extreme and spend their time figuring out which male was the right match. The men who responded to her mating call would attempt to prove their worth via signs of physical dominance, exotic sounds, and/or a release of various scents. Only when she felt secure in the right match did she select the male to perform the wondrous act. I veer off onto Darwinian Drive to say that inside your DNA are thousands, actually, millions of years of female species ruling the mating game and performing top notch mating dances and assessments. Evolutionary psychologists and anthropologists would argue evolution has given you ladies many of the same tools to perform the same assessment to pick the right match for you in 2012.
However, you need time to assess the match. Since we are no longer primates roaming around trying to procreate to continue the human race or cavemen needing a partner just to survive, we are procreating and coupling for different reasons. As higher conscious beings, we couple and do the act of procreation for various reasons: fun, joy, excitement, partnership, and love (to name a few). Therefore, since our reasons may vary, so should the assessment. Good assessment also takes more time.
Sure, you might have sex on the first date and end up getting married. However, there might be a much greater chance of having sex on the first date and then learning that you are a horrible match, your values don’t line up, or that he is just looking for casual fun.
Why does this matter?
Well, your oxytocin levels don’t care if he is not a good match. They sense that there is procreating going on and immediately tell your body and mind to BOND to this potential deliverer of sperm. Your system will literally release chemicals that will get you stir crazy over a chap who may be a horrible match or worse yet, completely unavailable.
Madonna Whore Complex Also, men tend to idealize their potential girlfriends. They like to think that their girl has never had sex with anyone else, even though they might know that is not true. Therefore, if you have an awesome date and you both do the “do” that night, he could get in his head and wonder if you are doing the “do” with every guy on the first date and subconsciously shift you from GF material to DTF material. This is a male issue, but nevertheless, good to know as a woman.
I’d say, above all else, is that any guy looking for a relationship will have no problem waiting on the sex thing. If you feel most comfortable waiting till a commitment or at least until you feel much more secure, he will love it. If he is looking for casual sex, he will not be so excited and probably exit Stage Right-which helps you get one step closer to the one who is looking for something more long term.
When you rush the sex part, you can cloud your assessment of the magical 3 C’s in a relationship. You might be able to see if the CHEMISTRY is happening, but what about the COMMUNICATION and COMPATABILITY? The incredible and mind blowing bedroom sessions can easily blind you to some major red flags in your partner.
There are definitely no rules in finding love. You can have sex within the first two hours of meeting a blind date and end up running away to Fiji and getting married. However, if you are looking to increase the ways to attract and develop a healthy relationship, why not try going a little slower in the sex department to allow for a more unadulterated focus on the other aspects of the relationship? Any man ready for a relationship will appreciate it and your mammalian sisters will support you all the way.
Seize the Date,
Christian