Do you love through the eyes of scarcity or abundance?
Our modern, online dating world seems to be a a virtual buffet of choice and possibility. We click through profiles, swipe through our phones, and we’re presented with hundreds of potential dates at any given moment. The dating world seems ripe with opportunity on the surface, but deep down inside, you’re wondering if this abundance of love is for everyone but you.
Well, let’s start with one simple fact.
There are more than seven billion people on planet earth…that means a wealth of possibilities for love! Does this sound overwhelming and impossible, or do you feel excited and hopeful for the opportunity that awaits you?
If your response felt overwhelming and impossible, the feeling of scarcity has probably nudged its way into your mind.
Living with a Scarcity Mindset
Scarcity sounds like this: There isn’t enough love to go around. If there is love, it’s only for someone who’s sexier, smarter, more successful, more of something you believe you don’t have.
Scarcity is fear and hunger. It says that finding love is too much work. Scarcity makes you settle for less. It says, “this must be as good as it gets, so I guess I’ll stay.” Or, “I won’t even try because dating someone ‘like that’ is out of my league.” Scarcity feeds on itself. When something doesn’t work out, scarcity says, “see, I told you so.” Scarcity keeps you single, or committed but wishing you were single.
A scarcity mindset can be guilt around setting your standards too high, so you don’t open yourself to the infinite possibilities of love. Scarcity creates a belief that only a certain type of person is right for you; but when you find this person, you’re always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. Scarcity never feels satisfied.
A scarcity mindset usually stems from deeper core issues around self-worth, and can exist on a subconscious level. You may have had experiences as a child or as an adult that have lead to feeling like you weren’t lovable. Scarcity reminds you that you’ve always had to work hard to gain love and approval. Scarcity also reminds you of the painful relationships that solidified a belief that love isn’t possible…at least for you.
Instead, what if you believed that there is an unlimited supply of love, for you and everyone else, in this pool of seven billion people on earth? What if you were “enough” to be loved…worth being loved? What if someone else was just waiting for the moment to be loved by you? If this feels encouraging, maybe it’s time to develop an abundance mindset in your dating world.
Living with an Abundance Mindset
An abundance mindset trusts that there is an unlimited, exponential supply of partners for you. Abundance reminds you that when your heart is broken, there will be another One, and another One, and possibly another One, who makes your heart sing. The possibilities are endless.
An abundance mindset stems from love and compassion for yourself, and a belief that you are as worthy and deserving of love as anyone else. No matter what. Period. Abundance keeps you from settling for less, and expecting more, in the best of ways (not in the ways of scarcity).
When you filter your experiences through an abundance mindset, you don’t worry about how many dates you’ve had. Scarcity counts numbers, stats, and success. Scarcity panics. Abundance anticipates the good, and accepts the flow. Scarcity feels empty and starving for love, no matter how much of it is staring you in the face.
How do you start using an abundance mindset?
Shift your thinking. Accept the possibility of finding “The Many” instead of “The One.” Remember the seven billion people on this planet? Trust that there could be many “Ones” for you… “Ones” who are amazing, and available. You will feel less pressure and more acceptance of the ups and downs of dating when you shift your focus to the good in your life, instead of focusing on what’s lacking.
Practice gratitude in all areas of your life. Focus your thinking on what you have instead of what you lack. Don’t compare yourself to what others have (that you think is better). Guaranteed, focusing on what you’re grateful for will help you feel rich with abundance when this becomes your lens for viewing the world.
Fill up your love tank. Loving and accepting yourself is key. If you keep navigating the dating world on an empty tank, you’ll be clinging to anything to fill it up. Focus on making your single life something that fulfills you. Make your life something worth inviting someone into, and not something you want to run from. Maybe it means you have more dates with yoga mats for awhile? Maybe it’s more time in nature, or a trip to a faraway place. Maybe it’s just learning how to lean in to loneliness instead of fearing it.Fill yourself with that which satiates the hunger for love inside of you, so that you have a never ending supply that isn’t dependent on external circumstances and people.
The bottom line: Dance with abundance and it will dance with you.
Manage the filters through which you see love and dating. Turn them into expectation of goodness instead of disappointment and fear. Love will come when you believe in it. You will see it everywhere—inside of you, and outside of you. Open your heart to possibility, and you will have abundance in love.
This article was originally published at MeetMindful.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.