3 Questions To Ask Before Dating An Ex-Con

Could you fall in love with a criminal?

By Charly Emery — Written on May 01, 2012

3 Questions To Ask Before Dating An Ex-Con [EXPERT]

Tune into weekly segments of Dateline, 20/20 or 48 Hours, and you'll quickly discover that an overwhelming number of crimes committed daily are enacted by people without criminal records. Even worse, these bliss-busting sleeper cells shock their loved ones from inside the most appealing neighborhoods, communities, and marriages across America.

From highly orchestrated ponzi schemes to deceitful dual marriages, ID channel even created a revealing docu-series, Who The Bleep Did I Marry?, where the victims of revolting reversals of character could share their life-shattering tales. If there's one thing all of these shows teach us, it's that while you can judge a book by its cover, you may be mistaken about the story you'll find inside. Advice For Lindsay Lohan: 5 Steps To A Drama-Free Life

With so many picture perfect professionals jumping the moral fence, you might just wonder if you're better off dating the man with the ding on his record. It certainly worked for Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives of Atlanta. One glance at her husband Apollo reveals a sweet, humble, loving man who's learned his lesson and is better for it. Even more, he's impassioned about using his experience to deter other youth — and that's what I call a fine forward fumble. So, if the man you're interested in has a criminal past, despair not.

Just be sure you don't look for assurance in the wrong places. One of the biggest mistakes we make when considering anyone's past is using current behavior to determine whether that person has changed. People don't really change. It's their perspectives followed by the driving forces behind their choices and actions that change or stay the same. This is a critical distinction to make. Help! I Have A Boring Sex Life

Typically, when someone engages in criminal activity, it's because some desire, belief, or rule they possess is overriding the one that would make them refrain from doing what they did. The key for us is to shift our own perspectives and recognize that every single one of us is a product of what drives us to do what we do.

We've all learned some tough lessons without necessarily taking the high road. Therefore what separates us most is how we ultimately choose to integrate our experiences and shift our perspectives, aka recycling your experiences. A person can easily change their outward behavior.

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However, without shifting internally, you have a sleeper cell ready to engage old behaviors once the right trigger arises. So how do you determine if the guy with a criminal record is the guy for you? Consider the questions that count the most so you can determine if the only thing he wants to steal is your heart.

1. What type of crime did he commit? The type of crime gives you a lot more information about the nature of that person. White collar crime should be considered just as seriously as violent crimes since they're often committed against a person's own friends and business associates. Free Contraception: 1 Step Forward Or Fluke In Freedom?

How old was he when he committed the crime? We know that a young person's brain is still forming, leaving them extremely vulnerable to outside influences and environment. This is no excuse, still, Apollo illustrates how guidance, education and personal will can recycle a tumultuous start into a successful future.

2. What drove him to commit the crime, and how has his perspective changed? Whether we're insistent on a designer wedding dress or embezzling money, there's always something driving us to do what we're doing the way we're doing it. The bottom line is whether the person you're interested in has detected the glitches in his modus operandi and rewritten his rules of engagement. 4 Steps To Finding Love [VIDEO]

3. Is he willing to discuss what he did and what he's learned? The man who's recycled his past by integrating the experience will expect you to ask. He'll also be happy to share knowing that it will give you a greater sense of who he is. Dating can be daunting these days. Nonetheless, there are simple, specific things you can do to set yourself up for success no matter who you're dating.

Put your technological devices down for at least 15-30 minutes daily so you can re-engage your sense of awareness. Get clear about who you are and what you wish to experience with a partner in a relationship so you don't miss it if it comes in a package you're not expecting. Be accountable to you by staying true to what you desire and making choices that are aligned with creating the experience you want.