Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

The Bachelor Recycled: 3 Q's To Prevent Mis-Calculations

Buzz, Love

More than entertainment, The Bachelor offers insights we can all use to create profitable love lives

Year after year we enjoy dissecting the cornucopia of colorful characters seeking love Bachelor style. After all, they're cast no differently than the consciously composed ensemble of a Hollywood movie. Film producers wish to cash in on their featured collective with highbrow awards, while Bachelor producers along with the network make calculated choices designed to rake in a windfall of captivated viewers and extraordinarily lucrative advertising dollars. Thus there's always a little something for each of us to rate, hate and (surprisingly) relate to. Wisdom from Whitney: Put Yourself First

Like high school, we see women who lead with sweetness, vulnerability, strength, sex, selfishness, nastiness, and competitive drive. Despite knowing that each of these willing participants (as well as ourselves) is being sucked into a surreptitiously staged performance, we're compelled to cheer, boo and hiss from our sheltered sidelines as each period of the competition plays out before our very eyes. We can't help but watch with disheartening disbelief when like a bad referee, the man at the center of the action half-wittedly gets hoodwinked by the least honorable player (Yikes Courtney!)

Still, despite the plethora of purposely-diverse personalities, there is always at least one seemingly sweet, sensible, well-intentioned woman that makes us wonder why she'd throw herself into this emotional tournament of roses. More than just entertainment, The Bachelor gives us a fabulous opportunity to explore the motivation behind perplexing choices like these with curiosity that ultimately uncovers valuable insights we can all use to create the profitable equations we crave for our love lives. 5 Shockingly Good Dating Tips From "The Bachelor"

When it comes to love, there are many factors that drive your choices, actions, and most importantly — your perceptions about the promise of potential partners. Without risk there is no reward, yet your emotions undoubtedly create trapdoors you can fall through in route. However, you don't have to fear the worst. Instead, ask yourself these three questions and revisit your answers as your relationship is unfolding so your awareness keeps your calculations aligned with the results you desire.

What's motivating you?

Are you looking to cast someone in the love story you've written? Do you feel the crunch of time pressure because you want to have children? Have you decided you're going to unabashedly take a risk after playing it too safely in the past? Being aware of what's driving your interest in the relationship market is critical to making accurate calculations about the compatibility of your love interest. 4 Steps To Finding Love [VIDEO]

This is why chapter one of Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass walks you through the process of assessing your personal factors to be sure you're engaging motivation over desperation. Make peace with what you fear as well as what you want to believe so neither impulse chooses your partner for you.

What's emerging from within you?

Charlyism 2-20: Relationships are lessons, and sometimes the path you take in your pursuit for love paves the way into your heart more so than another. With passion and spunk it wasn't hard to see that a better suited partner awaits Kacie B. Consistently the picture of down home comfort, Kacie and Ben's last supper revealed some disturbing family dynamics that were likely driving many of her deductions about love and Ben. Will Erasing Your Ex's Footprint Mend Your Broken Heart?

While speaking with her sister, Kacie's enthusiasm appeared much more connected to her leap of faith from her parent's strict beliefs than the one she made into Bachelor Ben's arms. Similarly, when your pursuit of love helps you explore and engage parts of yourself that have been otherwise repressed, the love you feel can be more about connecting with aspects of you than the person or experience you're making the connection through.

Is What's Happening Around You ... Also Happening Between You?

It's common to project the intensity and emotions of your experiences onto the people you share them with. On The Bachelor your viewing pleasure is totally enhanced by the breath taking views, exotic locales and exciting adventures you're watching week after week. Now imagine actually being there, breathing in the air, standing on the cliffs, swimming in the oceans, and dining on the delectable culinary delights that are paired with crisp wines and bubbly champagnes. These women do fall in love ... with the experiences that are often the greatest common denominators between them and Bachelor BenKim Kardashian's Divorce: More to the Fairy Tale

Even though you may not be traveling by private jet for your dates — if your feelings are growing faster than you've ever imagined ... ask yourself honestly why you feel the way you feel and what's prompting your emotions. The courting phase is about presentation and celebration, which can easily diffuse any hesitation. Make sure what's happening around you is also happening between you for real.

If the passion and enthusiasm initially conveyed, promised, or shared dissipates, you or your partner may feel betrayed and unfulfilled. Life is motion, thus once your daily comfort is covered, be sure to set future goals you can strive for and work toward together. It's striving for new goals that keep what's happening between you happening around you, so your fire for each other and your life together doesn't go out. 4 Love Lessons From The Bachelorette Finale

Awareness is your best shortcut to relationship bliss. Dare to define what's motivating you. Embrace what's emerging from within you and be clear about what's happening between you so your calculations are accurate. Then you can sustain your attraction for one another within a love relationship that will go the distance. Visit me at my website, and get a leg up on your love life with this video on how to "own who you are" while you're out there dating. Cheers to your best relationship ever! 

To Read Great Sex Advice:

The Best Sex Advice on YourTango

Author
Expert

Explore YourTango