It is precisely these qualities that I implore men to embrace: the ability to be strong yet soft in a combination of masculine and feminine, lunar and solar. I encourage men to lead, listen, empathize and act. Is everyone into dominance and submission? Of course not. But that's not the point. The point is that these are the traits women want from the men in their lives — and men should be listening.
For some men, there are two types of foreplay: being touched and the anticipation of being touched. What these guys don't seem to realize is that their version of foreplay is in direct opposition to a woman's largest erogenous zone: her mind. There's no substitute for mental stimulation and intelligent discussion as foreplay. (Well, mostly. For some women, foreplay begins when he puts the dishes away or takes out the trash without being asked...)
Bottom line, men: where are you? Are you being a capable, strong partner? Stop being stifled by your own fear, insecurities and hang-ups. Those thoughts are driven by societial pressures that water you down and keep you questioning your own sense of masculinity. If you want her to let go and let loose in the bedroom, you need to let go first. Pure and simple. She wants to trust you, and she will. You just need to lead with a confidence, sincerity and trust that earns it.