An Open Letter to Charlie Sheen

Dear Mr. Sheen:

I've been accidentally following your exploits in the media, and I feel like I just walked in on my parents having sex—you know, where you try to look away as quickly as you can, but the image is burned into your frontal lobe for all eternity. I wanted to apologize for unintentionally intruding. Obviously, you don't know me... and I have little faith that my words will actually reach you directly. Regardless, I needed to write to you.

Your situation smacks of what happened to Judy Garland in the 1960's—with her multiple meltdowns on Jack Paar, Merv Griffin, and other variety shows—and most recently with Whitney Houston's on-again, off-again drug use and erratic behavior—not to mention the now-deceased Corey Haim's documented challenges. But I'm not here to recount and compare your recent outbursts and exploits... I'm merely making a correlation.

I wasn't alive yet when Judy Garland publicly fell from grace, experiencing drug-induced breakdowns... but I did witness both Whitney Houston's and Corey Haim's decline—and ultimate descent into the abyss of tabloid hell. And while the media ripped them apart (and continue to document Whitney's every note that falls flat, every concert she cancels, and her alleged drug relapse)... I find myself appalled. Don't get me wrong... I fully understand: When you're in the public eye, the spotlight is on 24/7. But the media blitz into your personal life, your now-estranged relationship with Two and a Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre, your canceled contract.. none of this is newsworthy... and it's sad on so many levels:

You requesting $3M per episode—instead of the $2M per episode you're currently paid—isn't newsworthy... it's sad and demands pity. Is your show funny? Sure... but I have to ask you (if it's not too trite): What are you giving back to the world beyond a high-rated sitcom?
I've heard you calling into every radio show that will have you on the air, and booking every morning/late-night show that will have you on... but your rants unfortunately sound like delusions of grandeur... and my heart goes out to you. You have seeming created a false news story to fuel some vain attempt at 15 minutes of fame... which is both confusing and fascinating, as you are already famous.
You aren't making any sense. I wish I could reach you in a moment of clarity/lucidity and have you watch what we see... you would be mortified.