"You seem a little green, so let me explain where I'm at. I'm not here looking for a husband, so you don't need to worry about that. I'm looking for a man to take the lead; to invest his time, but not his emotions. Oh, and your height isn't a problem." We both laughed.
Our hour-long coffee date flew by, and under different circumstances I would have loved to continue the conversation. She was strong, funny, direct… but she seemed OK with missing out on what she really wants from a relationship and settling for something mediocre in her romantic life. I left the date thinking I might better understand her on our next date.
Date #2: "Shannon"
"Shannon" read my profile and reached out to me to begin a dialogue. When we connected, she was upfront that she wasn't yet clear on her limits, so if I was looking for sex today, I needed to move on. I told her I wasn't clear either, and that coffee sounded good, hoping we could share a bit of time to see how we both felt.
Shannon was interesting: 35, dirty blonde hair, smart, funny, full of life, well-read and educated. She had made the decision to raise her two kids as a stay-at-home mom. She and her husband met in college, and had been together since, but his attentiveness waned after the first couple of years. I asked why she stayed. Her answer: "Because I love him."
I feel strangely comfortable, so I shared that I hadn't had an affair yet, and that I'm new to the site and not clear on what to do… or when. She empathized, remembering when she was new to Ashley Madison. She'd had two affairs in the past, but they were strictly for sex, and it left her feeling empty. "Sex is great, but I'm looking for some time together, too. Not dating ... but just something new. My husband is a great guy, but he talks to me like I'm stupid half of the time. And I have kids; I don't want to leave." We talk more and it's clear she wants to laugh, to live, to love. I wonder why she stays with her husband.
At the end of our date, I keep things cool and she asks if we can get together again. I tell her that I'd love to (knowing I can't/won't), and I ask her to reach me back on Ashley Madison. She's sent me three messages since… and I answered the last one telling her that I realized after we parted that I couldn't cheat on my wife… just not how I'm made. She responded, telling me she understood and wished me well. Keep reading...
Date #3: "Lisa"