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5 Rules For Finding Love That Lasts

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Finding Love That Lasts

Quit rushing the process.

There is no one clear path or secret to finding love.

Dating today is trickier than it's ever been. Which dating app is best? When do you transition from chat to meeting in-person? Who texts first, and when do phone calls come into play? 

To find love these days, you need a solid thought process and approach to dating ... and it starts with these five basic rules:

1. Set clear expectations

Whether you use online dating sites, a mobile dating application, or speed dating, first gauge your expectations. Regardless of where or how you meet potential partners, getting to know the real person takes time. Who you think someone is from an online profile isn't 100 percent how he or she will act on the first date. And that first date behavior will likely shift a great deal by date #10.

Take your time. Allow the get-to-know-you process to take its natural course. 

2. Clarify what you truly want

Are you looking for something casual or something more? Generally speaking, physical attraction and infatuation often sets off a false positive of "real connection," making you think he or she is the one (when they're likely not). 

Unless both people want the same thing — casual fling or long-term relationship — disconnect will likely occur, as so many defunct 'friend with benefits' relationships now show. As you get to know new people, clarify where things are going and what you both want from each other at this time in your life. Do this from an objective standpoint. Make sure you see people you're dating for who they really are (not who you want them to be).  

3. Know your worth

Stop what you're doing and go look in the mirror. The person you see is worthy of love ... right now. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. NO EXCUSES! Too fat, too thin, too out, too in, too busy, too broke, too much trouble, too many assholes, too much baggage, too little time, too much drama, too many bills, too late, too old. Just ... STOP! Just as you are, you are worthy. We're all growing. We're all works-in-progress. Everyone is a glorious train wreck in his or her own way. But when you harp on your train wreck qualities, others you date notice those imperfections, also. If you don't focus on them (and emphasize your strengths instead), so will your dating partners. YOU need to reframe how you see you ... and that process starts here.

4. Don't fear being single

Wanting a relationship is one thing ... needing one is something else. When you need a relationship, you usually end up ignoring glaring red flags, which leads to heartache and problems later.

Settling for less than what you want just to avoid being single never works. At best, it leads to resentment and unhappiness. At worst, it leads to depression and feeling inadequate. Take your time while dating. Don't settle. Bottom line: If you can't find happiness by yourself, you won't feel happy in a relationship either. 

5. Lighten up and have fun

Enjoy the process of dating and getting to know new people. Remember, you won't necessarily find those you're most compatible with in your local bar or nightclub. Your friends and colleagues can be a great resource to find like-minded people.

But if you're looking to find quality people on your own, my advice is to take a class—specifically a cooking class or a dance class. Interactive classes provide a great environment for singles. Here's why:

  • Everyone is there to learn something new ... which means they're bettering themselves, and that's the type of person you want to attract.
  • Everyone starts even. No one knows more than anyone else there, so unless someone is secretly a ringer ... there's no unfair advantage, no one puts anyone down, and everyone is in a positive place. 
  • You experience raw relationship dynamics. In active classes, people are often paired up. You can see how people who catch your eye handle mistakes, what their ego and confidence level are, how they deal with learning new things, how they handle insecurity, and whether they allow you space to do your own thing. 

Above all, have fun. Life and love have their serious moments, but both are supposed to add happiness to your experience. If they aren't, you're headed down the wrong path. 

Learn more from Charles on his website: The Problem With Women Is Men. Follow @charlesjorlando on Twitter or on Facebook.

This article was originally published at The Problem With Women Is Men. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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