My romance re-entry successes, who now have successful marriages, were committed to getting married from the start of our coaching relationship. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it took to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a “marriage” or “committed relationship” that IT will take care of itself.
Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?
Love and relationship operate in the same way as a money lending institution. When you enter the love bank and put in a request for a new love interest, a serious one, perhaps, leading to marriage, the love bank manager takes a look at you and says: You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self-esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you’re physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don’t trust anyone. REJECTED!!! is stamped on your application. Now, you are really in need of someone to save you, so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders. You are now reduced to bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, and personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. At this point you are seeking someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable. Then you re-enter the “Sure to Fail” cycle all over again.
You are not broken! You just need to reframe your perception of what it takes to have success in love and a committed relationship. There are a few simple elements that will give you a huge advantage in the relationship game:
- Have a sincere Desire to be in relationship,
- Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person,
- Have at least enough income to take care of your own basic needs,
- Participate in work that satisfies some of your achievement needs,
Be healed enough to be vulnerable so that you are able to share your
authentic self with this person,
Love yourself enough that you have love left over to share with another