Why Booty Calls Keep True Love Away

“He keeps coming back and I let him in every time.”

“A part of me cannot let go.  I want it to work out between us even though I know he isn’t the one.”

I heard the sound of quiet weeping on the other end of the phone.

“Is there anything in you that whispers that he might truly change and that you would feel valued, respected and loved?” I asked gently.

“No.” Sighed Sarah. “I'm afraid he is as good as it gets.”

I could sense her throat tightening up as her voice faded to a whisper. A life time of sabotaging her love life had left her heart in shreds.  Why does she let him hurt her...over and over again.

This Rapunzel like the others before her have been deeply hurt by betrayal and lies. Fear and anger are like the mortar holding her tower of protection into place. She sabotages by isolating herself.  Even when she is with someone, she never truly opens her heart.  The problem is that the tower is single occupancy and there will never be room for a soul mate to move in.

Once Sarah could let go of her lost dreams and hopes, she began to build a new tower for herself. A Tower with bricks of self acceptance and self compassion with a mortar of love and peace.  Finally able to change the locks and delete him from her cell phone, she moved on once and for all.  12 months later she is engaged to a wonderful man.  Good for you, Sarah!

Do you have a Rapunzel style of Self Sabotage when it comes to finding love?  Here are a few signs:

•       Natural beauty but blind to it.  Doesn’t see herself the way others see her.

•       Survived deep emotional hurts and betrayals

•       Deeply sensitive to other people's pain

•       In a dead end loop driven by her need to feel in control and safe yet wanting   belong to someone forever.

•       Holds herself back emotionally so she can bail if she needs to.

•       Can be several years since her last significant relationship.

•       Sensitive to emotion, she is easily overwhelmed in high emotion moments.

•       Is inspired by quiet and can enjoy solitude.

•       Can be counted on.

•       Perfectionistic and demanding…..of HERSELF

•       Over-compromises and stays in jobs and relationships well past their expiration point.

Rapunzel's big challenge is to dismantle her intricate self protection so that she can attract a man who really gets her.   Ever since her innocent crush on that first guy, who didn't even know she was alive, she has layered hurt after hurt into a tower that locks her in loneliness and desperation.