"How can she not congratulate me? I'll never be good enough for her."
"We could hire a thug and duct tape her to a street sign." Dan tried to nudge her sense of humor.
"That's not funny, Dan, I am trying to feel sorry for myself here!" And laughed in spite of herself. He was so cute!
"You know what really pisses me off?" Molly asked. "The fact that I am forty bleepin' four years old and I still wilt like a violet in the desert when she criticizes me."
"Why are you so hurt, darlin?" Dan said gently.
"Because she should care how I feel." She said quietly.
"How else can I know she loves me?"
"I love you." He whispered "And I am so proud of you. Your students love you and now there are hundreds of people who are going to love you when you perform at Carnegie."
"I know," Molly sighed. "You are right. Besides, I am proud of me! I had the best day of my life and I will not let any lame email steal that from me!"
"That's the spirit!" Dan cheered. "Now let's grill those steaks and get this party started."
Snuggling in to her favorite spot in the nook of his shoulder she kissed his neck. "I don't know what I would do without you, baby."
Overcoming perfectionism is a bitch. Age old patterns of meticulously planning and executing projects to make sure every T is crossed and i is dotted drive like a cruel slave master. If you have a family member who callously brushes over your fabulous achievements, I feel your pain and I have a word of advice.
Use the pain. That is right. Use the pain. Take a breath and acknowledge the pain in you for a change and stop focusing on the person who "caused" the pain. A fantastic tool to use in moments like this is to journal conversationally using both hands.
What you say? Yes - both hands. Starting with your dominant hand, write this questions: "Why does this hurt so much?" then switch to your non-dominant hand and write whatever comes to your mind. You will be surprised how impactful this exercise can be.
When you write with your non-dominant hand, you actually "stretch" out your experience with the pain and you get to prove to yourself that you can handle it and move beyond it. Molly's mom didn't mean to hurt her daughter. Who knows why she was unable to celebrate with Molly.
Molly can make choices to grow through her need for her mom's approval and change the dynamics of the relationship herself. While her mom may never say just the right thing, she can see that as a itty bitty blip on the radar of life, if she chooses! We're proud of you, Molly and......break a leg!
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