How much pain is still there? Rate each on a scale of 1 to 10. Now pause, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tight. You have been through a lot. Had you known better, you might not have been intimate with some of them, right? It is what it is. Be honest with yourself and simply admit how hurt you are. That alone will open the door to self-compassion and heart healing.
2. Tell a New Story: Pick one of your Mr. Ex's to use for this step. One of the best ways to change your reaction, your feelings about a former sexual partner is to change the words you use to talk about him. Your words will help you clear the energy pathway formed by your emotions. It may not be easy to do this at first, but with practice, you can become a master.
Write a short description of the worst of what happened:
"That jerk slept with my best friend. I hate her and I hate him. I will never forgive him. He broke my heart."
Pretty awful. I can see why you are so hurt. Now see if you can tell the story with less painful language:
"My ex cheated on me. I never talked to them again. I am still sad and angry."
Feel a bit different? Good. Rewrite it again with even more neutral language:
"My ex made a huge mistake. I don't know what happened to him, he disappeared. I am doing the best I can to move on."
Your choice of words can make a big dent in how you detach from the hurtful event. The energy you are using to hold hard feelings about this breakup is keeping you in a rut. You may not want to release him but if you want to find true and lasting love, you need to. Ask a good friend to help you with this. You can do it.
3. Burn Your Old Story: Now that you have decided to have a new view of your past guys, it is time to make a real statement. You will need some popsicle sticks, a pen, 92% rubbing alcohol and some matches. Popsicle sticks are just the right size to hold a sentence or two. Write out the heart of the story on each stick. One stick per heartbreak. Place the sticks into a fire safe container, pour the alcohol on the sticks and light them up. As they are burning, release your exes to their highest good. It is time to let them go and you are the only one to do it.
Creating a ritual or fire ceremony to release pain has deep roots for humanity. I like to take my burning bowl to the beach or into the garden for my ceremonies. Take the steps and see for yourself. If you have a stubborn connection that won't budge, do the process again...as many times as you need to. You may even want to have a Purge the Past Party and invite your single girl friends to support you.
The bottom line is that you are the only one who can change your thoughts about lost love. Your memories will fade in time and choosing a different story will re-build your self confidence. Cut those ties and create some forward momentum for yourself today!