If the sexual revolution is valid and casual sex is fun and appropriate for some, why is there so much heartbreak?
Why is it so hard to move on after a break up? Why can't some women just let go? It may not be fair, but women are truly "tied" to their sexual partners. It is inevitable....it is hard wired into your biology.
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According to Dr. Earl Henslin in This is Your Brain in Love, "Once a couple experiences love making, a chemical storm takes place deep inside both of their brains. A blast of oxytocin explodes and showers the brain with natural opiates we know as endorphins.....when oxytocin combines with vasopressin, this little bonding hormone instantly works like superglue in the heart....and makes you prefer your mate over all others."
These brain chemicals leave a trail, just like a meteor, and imprint themselves into your brain. This is why you feel 'hooked' on your guy. Without understanding how to undo the attachment, you may simply numb yourself to those old trails of affection.
In time, you lose the memory of the rush of the Love Chemical Cocktail that Mr. Ex produced in you, but, the pathways are still there. Want to check? Think about a past love that ended badly...with either regret or hurt. Now think of a particularly painful time between the two of you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much sting is still there?
When you recall the sting, you can still feel it, can't you? Does your chest ache, your jaw tighten, your belly hurt or do you feel nauseous? Guess what...that is NOT your imagination! You have proved to yourself that you still have a toxic trail of past neurochemicals imprinted in your brain that is making you feel just like you did when the breakup happened. Now don't panic on me...there is really good news here.
You can absolutely resolve this past pain, dissolve the old pathways and get ready for new love. Detoxing your system from past lovers and all the drama starts in your mind. Your thoughts have the power to produce the brain chemicals that will cut the energetic ties holding you to your past sexual partners.
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Here are three practical steps to help you let go and move on. Some of you will need a coach, mentor or therapist to help you. If you have had a few traumatic relationships, don't go at it alone. But for those of you who are ready to do a little brain cleanse on your own, try these steps and release yourself from the toxic brain chemical hangover from lost love:
1. Do An Ex-Lover Audit: Yuck! I hear you say, I don't want to look back at all of those jerks and losers. Patience, girl, if you want to find true and lasting love, you have to be willing to find those chemical trails that are driving your decision making when it comes to men. Write a list of the men you have been intimate with. Go through the list and circle the ones that broke your heart, the ones you allowed in so deep you swore you would never do that again.