Hey Scarlett, Tired of Feeling Invisible? Stop Being So Nice!


Hey Scarlett, Tired of Feeling Invisible?  Stop Being So Nice!
Do you sabotage your love life by being too nice? 5 easy steps to shed the super sweet vibe.

Just explain in your own terms how you feel about not being able to be yourself when you were a kid.  No one knew how to help you be a Scarlett.  You are dramatic and high spirited.  You get really mad and really sad.  Then some sappy Snow White comes along and tries to cheer you up.

As you explain and apologize to your younger self, you air out the thoughts that have been hidden in the closet of your mind.  After you write the letter, you may want to burn it (safely, of course).  I like rituals, they feel good to me.  Studies say that is because of the long history of rituals in human societies.  For me, burning a letter like this tells the Universe I am really letting it go.  I watch the fire until it goes out.

4.  Write a New Belief Starter: Take a moment and think about this.  When your hair is on fire (Thanks @barbgarrison)  and life is really biting at your heels, what can other people say to you, or rather, what do you want to hear?  This is a great exercise for you, Scarlett!  Start by listing all the annoying things people have said to you when you just wanted to be left alone. 

Things like "It will be better."  "You take things too seriously, just lighten up."  "Have you ever tried yoga?"  You know what I mean.

Now write 5 sentences that you could tolerate hearing when you are really at a breaking point.  This step is critical, dear Scarlett, because as lonely as you are and as much as you wish that men would connect with you, you sabotage yourself in love if you don't let people communicate with you when you are upset.  Go back and read that again.

You just need to teach others what you need to hear when you are upset.  Write your five sentences and then send them in an email to someone on the front line of your support team.  It may be your mom, your sister, your best friend or even your coach. 

Once you know what you need to hear so you can bounce back from the blues and you give it to your closest contacts, you will start feeling better right away.

5.  Rent a Favorite or New Romantic Movie and Cry Your Little Eyes Out: A great release, tears flood your brain and body with deeply comforting hormones and neurotransmitters that will wash through you like a gentle inner rain fall.  Pretty poetic for a Snow White, don't you think?

Scarlett, we Snow Whites and Rapunzels don't mean to get on your last nerve.  We just feel clueless when it comes to responding to your meltdowns.  We adore you....you bring spark to our lives and truth be told, we live a bit vicariously through you and your Manolos.  

If you tell us what you want to hear when your hair is on fire (another thanks @barbgarrison) we will be able to remind you of something that will ease the pressure.  And while you are at it, email me at LOALoveCoach@gmail.com and tell me what you came up with!

Snow White?  Or maybe Rapunzel. Could Scarlett O'Hara be your style?  Take the http://saboteursurvey.com and find out right now! 


Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.