When is it ok to go outside your comfort zone to accommodate the man you love?
I have been married for 5 years. My husband, who I am closer to than any other man in my 58 years of living, has a personal family issue that is challenging him deeply. As a Snow White I am stretched to the max by the drama. It is not easy for me to be involved in this situation, but because I love my man, I am acting in that love.
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When I got home after a two hours of dealing with his issue, my throat, chest and jaws were throbbing. It is for sure energetically costly for me to be doing this. I am choosing consciously though, I am not at all comfortable. And yet, being there for my husband feels right.
I am sharing this with you because I want you to know that even though my guy is such a terrific partner for me and I love being married to him, as we grow forward, there is a constant need to adjust to each other. What I notice among the women I talk to that is heart wrenching, is that many believe they can have a relationship that won't break their hearts.
Life is heart breaking. It just is. As a Snow White, being upset is really hard. It is easier for me to write it for sure. That is why I pour out my heart in my writing. Writing helps me vent and learn how to manage the heart breaks of life. That really is the missing link, you know, heart break recovery....not heart break avoidance.
When I was young, I always thought that it was the other people who made me feel so awful. The pressure in my ears and jaw and the ache in my chest and throat is real. Being with certain combinations of people is wearing. I love being home. I love being in my own home. When I am alone again, my jaw starts to relax. I feel better and better.
Fear and anxiety always have roots. They are never free floating balloons that drop into your awareness out of the blue. They are actually rooted in your very cells. Your brain produces chemicals that imprint upon the cells reactions of shocking and painful events. Life cruelly causes some women to endure years of shocking and painful events.
Once that foundation has been laid, it controls the decision making when it comes to relationships and love. Avoiding pain becomes the singular mission. Underdeveloped parts of the personality become frozen in time as low level emotional pain continues to smolder in past traumatic breakups. I still freeze when in extreme stress...words will not come out.
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Ladies, whenever you get a fear or anxiety reaction, your body will be giving you clues. Picking up on these physical signs will help you keep your intuition engaged. When your intuition is engaged, you can handle anything. When your body is in fight or flight, your intuition is turned off. You are being driven by your instincts which are only survival focused.
At the end of the day, there will always be times that you must go outside your comfort zone to accommodate your partner. Each Saboteur style has challenges in this area, but if you make a plan and anticipate these stresses, you can make it easier to navigate these choppy waters.