When is it ok to go outside your comfort zone to accommodate the man you love?
I had been married for 5 years. My ex had a personal family issue that was challenging him deeply. I pick up on other people's feelings like a sponge and back then, I didn't understand.
Despite my better judgment, I went with him to a family dinner where I was uncomfortable before we got out of the car.
When I got home after a two hours of stiff upper lip hanging in there, my throat, chest and jaws were throbbing. As painful as this was, I own it because I chose to go. I put my narcissistic husband's needs first and suffered through.
I am sharing this with you now because I want you to know that being with the wrong man is terrible. Excruciatingly and continually painful. What if it is the fear of that pain that is keeping you single?
When I hear the stories of lonely soulmates-to-be around the country, it is heart wrenching to hear how many believe they can have a relationship that won't break their hearts.
Life is heart breaking. It just is.
As a Snow White, expressing my anger and hurt is really hard. It is easier for me to write it for sure. That is why I pour out my heart in my writing. Writing helps me vent and learn how to manage the heart breaks of life. That really is the missing link, you know, heart break recovery....not heart break avoidance.
When I was young, I always thought that it was the other people who made me feel so awful. The pressure in my ears and jaw and the ache in my chest and throat is real. Being with certain people is wearing but now I know it is my reaction to them that is hurting my body...not them.
When you are afraid or anxious, your body will be giving you clues. Picking up on these physical signs will help you keep your intuition engaged. When your intuition is engaged, you can handle anything. When your body is in fight or flight, your intuition is turned off. You are being driven by your instincts which are only survival focused.
At the end of the day, there will always be times that you must go outside your comfort zone to accommodate your partner. Each Saboteur style has challenges in this area, but if you make a plan and anticipate these stresses, you can make it easier to navigate these choppy waters.
Snow White, you must say no in balance to your yeses. If you are in a relationship where your man is involved with his own children or his ex in law family, go to the events that you really want to go to. Be clear with your man that there are times you will gracefully decline. There will be times that you will love spending time doing your own thing while your man is doing his family thing. Your man will come into tune with you when you are true to yourself first.
Scarlett, having clear cut expectations with your man and his family requirements is critical. Scarlett will withdraw from her contacts when stressed. You can't keep everybody happy and if you are not careful, one pushy family member can hijack your time and throw your relationships out of balance. You will feel much more comfortable if you take time off from your man and his clan 25% of the time.
Rapunzel, you may have the same kinds of physical discomfort as Snow White. Being with large crowds, noisy groups or unfamiliar people is very draining. Natural confidence needs to be bolstered because of the constancy of the stress.
Take a Walk: When people are getting to you, getting peace and quiet for yourself will refresh and restore you. You have great wit and people enjoy you and that feels good. Watch for telltale warnings of aching in your jaw or ears or possible squeezing in your upper chest and throat. These are signs you need a break.
Anxious right now? Feeling angry or upset? My boss became inappropriate at work recently. My throat tightens up and hurts right now thinking about it. I am much kinder to myself when I remind myself that my feelings have a root. I know that I can tap, write or use other techniques to break the pressure of my reaction to his behavior.
Why is this critical? The more able you are to take care of your emotional well being and let the past go, the more truly attractive you will become to a man who is living without his past in the way. Get it?
Curious about your Love Sabotage Style? Knowing if you are a Snow White, Rapunzel or Scarlett O'Hara will make it easier to find the perfect match. Check it out: http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com
This article was originally published at Breakup Candy. Reprinted with permission from the author.