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Did Bachelorette Ashley Pick The Wrong Man?

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When Sexual Chemistry and Thrill Chemistry Combine is it Love? Maybe. Advice for the Bachelorette.

Ashley Hebert picked strong, cool J.P. over sensual, vulnerable Ben.  I for one was surprised.  I felt the vibe between Ashley and Ben was the strongest.  Her feelings for J.P. never sold me. 

Creative editing can steer the feel of the series and I am sure that is part of the drama of this final rose ceremony.  Made me wonder about her again.  Do you see a pattern with Brad, Bentley and now J.P.?

Wined and dined and flown all over the world....who could make a reasonable decision, right?  The sexual chemistry combined with the thrill chemistry delivered in the fantasy dates makes rational thinking disappear  Watching Ashley's mad crush on J.P. annoyed some and enchanted others.  Meanwhile, there is Ben.  Wide-eyed Ben who was the most authentic of the three.

Didn't your heart go out to him?  I especially liked when he stopped Ashley and told her he didn't need any sugar coating.  Hugs to you, Ben.  Could be that creative editing, but damn he is a great guy.

Meanwhile, I can see why J.P. is crushing on Ashley, she is vibrant and young at heart.  I kept having to remind myself through the season that she is in dental school and that she must have a serious and mature side.  My concern is his security.  He struggled with jealousy throughout the season and that could close in on Ashley's free spirit.

I can see what her sister saw.  I see the vein in his head that betrays his cool appearance when he is stressed.  He is tightly wound and Ashley will be challenged to be herself first and a good partner second.  So, why was she sure J.P. was the one?

Good question.  Remember, she fell for Brad first and then Bentley.  She was sure about them at one point too.  As Ashley rushed to this rocky resolution of this season's Bachelorette, she has chosen another challenging guy. 

Whether she is aware of it or not, she chose a tough road.  But, she does like challenge...she wants to be a dentist after all. She has got to be a tough cookie inside at some level.

So, what does this Love Doc recommend?  Here is what I would tell each, if they asked, of course!  LOL

Ashley:

 1.  Find Your Inner Connection:  Your vulnerability on the series took a lot of courage.  You wear your heart on your sleeve and have many cheering for you.  There are one or two yellow flags with your choice but, you have a great guy on your hands.  Now is the most important time for you to plug in to your Inner Being.  Whether it is prayer, meditation or especially journaling, take time to connect to you. 

2.  Get Your Own Apartment:  It would be good for you to live separately for awhile.  You don't dishonor your commitment to J.P. by choosing to establish yourself as a woman before you create your identity in a couple.  I know this is controversial advice, but I would love for J.P. to relax that vein in his forehead before you move in together.  There is no doubt that he is into you.  Let his love empower you to stretch your own wings for a few months so you can teach him how you like to be treated in love and in stress.

3.  Take Responsibility For Your Love History:  Brad and Bentley left their impression on you.  Have there been any other significant breakups in your past?  If you are afraid to be alone and long for the approval of your friends and family, you probably have some drama in the past that is keeping you frozen in low self-esteem.  Darlin', he can't complete you.  You are perfect as you are.  What feels like completion now might feel like control in a few years. 

J.P. adores you and is coachable.  Your secret to success is to decide what you need from him and then to ask him clearly, unemotionally and directly.  It will be a challenge but if it IS true love, you guys will make it!

J.P:

1.  Develop a physical hobby that exhausts you.  Spinning, running, swimming, any deep physical exhaustion will keep your tension at bay.  Meditation would be fabulous.  I recommend Adyashanti's True Meditation in the audio format.  He explains the physical aspect of meditation better than anyone I know.  You might also love working with horses.  A relationship retreat with horses would be a great idea for you and Ash.

2.  Get involved with a charitable outreach.  You would be a great Big Brother.  Get involved in showing another person you want to help them do better in life.  It feels amazing to be connected and appreciated and Ashley will be a part of that.  Emphasis, a part of that.  You will feel less worried in general when you are genuinely involved helping someone else.

3.  Take Responsibility For Your Love History.  You have been hurt.  Life sucks and you have seen the worst of it.  Just like you train your body, you can train your brain to focus away from hurtful past experiences.  Your brain is hard wired to keep you safe. 

Betrayal, death, divorce....these events can put your alarm on a hair trigger.  In "The Brain That Changes Itself," Dr. Norman Doidge explains that to develop a new pathway of thinking, "a roadblock of some kind is necessary to help us change direction."  Find tools to relieve the inner pressure and you will unlock the soft passion that will enchant the woman you love.   

Ashley loves you but she has been burned in the past also.  Part of her charm is the little girl energy she taps into so easily.  Kindly let her know when her energy is a bit frenetic and gently teach her what you need to feel loved and comfortable.   In our house, my hubby says, "Dial it back a little, Cat, dial it back." when I am bubbling over.  It is our code for a little quiet time.

Do opposites attract?  Can relationships like Ashley and J.P.'s make it?  What do you think?  Add your comments below:

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